3 Questions To Empower Your Children

 / 

If you are thinking how to empower your children, then youโ€™ve come to the right place. When it comes to their experiences at school or life in general, these 3 questions to empower your children can be really helpful. Letโ€™s find out how to empower your children, and which questions to ask.

KEY POINTS

  • It takes away childrenโ€™s power to tell them what to do or to belittle their challenges.
  • Asking them questions activates their inner power.
  • Ask, โ€œWhat have you tried? How did it work? What else can you try?โ€

Whatโ€™s the first thing you do when your child tells you about a problem? No one likes me; the teacher was mean to me; so-and-so shoved me; I failed a testโ€ฆ.

Do you rush to tell your child what to do? Tell them they donโ€™t really have a problem? Or tell them that itโ€™s probably their fault? You have lots of friends; donโ€™t take it personally; punch the kid back; walk away; tell your teacher; study harderโ€ฆ.

Do your children take your great advice, run off to put it into action, then rush home to thank you? I didnโ€™t think so. Ungrateful brats!

Related: How Parents Can Empower Their Daughters: 3 Keys To Self Empowerment

No, they arenโ€™t ungrateful, and they arenโ€™t being know-it-alls who reject your wisdom. They just canโ€™t use your solutions, because they are yours. The best ideas come from within. And children certainly canโ€™t use belittling or blaming to help them find a good path.

Instead of giving advice, you can ask three empowering questions.

questions to empower your children

3 Questions To Empower Your Children

These questions help children find their own solutions and find the power to put them into action.

1. What have you tried?

This question is empowering because children often feel helpless in the face of a problem. But just because they havenโ€™t found a great solution doesnโ€™t mean they havenโ€™t made an effort.

And effort should always be celebrated. This question also keeps you from suggesting things that they have already tried.

Example: My former best friend started being mean to me. I tried ignoring her, I tried being extra nice, and I tried getting the other kids to be mean to her.

Advice and questions to empower your children

2. How did it work?

This question activates self-reflection. Finding an answer requires children to consider the impact of their actions without blaming or lecturing.

They may recognize that they actually had a good idea, but it just didnโ€™t work perfectly. Or they might realize that their idea backfired, and it may be wise not to keep doing it.

A common answer to โ€œWhat have you tried?โ€ is โ€œNothing.โ€ Thatโ€™s OK. Still ask how it worked. Doing nothing is actually a strategy, and in some situations, it is the best strategy.

Example: Ignoring her and being nice to her made it worse. Getting the other kids to get her back got me into big trouble with the teacher. It isnโ€™t fair!

Related: How To Help A Child With Stressful Experiences

3. What can you try next?

The last question empowers children to think creatively. Itโ€™s rare, of course, that the three questions will result instantly in a perfect idea. In fact, the most common answer to this question is, โ€œI donโ€™t know.โ€

That puts parents right back where they started, eager to provide the solution. But hold your horses! Even if your child asks you what to do, resist that urge.

You might give a silly answer, such as, โ€œCall on the aliens to send their spaceships to carry the bullies away!โ€ (But only do this if the child is open to humor and wonโ€™t feel belittled or teased by such a joke.)

The reason I like to give a ridiculous idea is that it allows the child to say, โ€œThat wonโ€™t work,โ€ which they are dying to say about your ideas, no matter how good they are. Then you can say, โ€œOh, I guess that is kind of unrealistic. Do you have any ideas?โ€

One reason children are reluctant to give their ideas is they have had their ideas dismissed or discounted so often. So be sure you are really ready to listen, not waiting to tell them, โ€œThat wonโ€™t work.โ€

Example: I guess I could try ignoring her again. When I tried it before I didnโ€™t give it much time because she just made me so mad. But I think I could ignore her better now. And thereโ€™s this new girl in school who I think could be a good friend.

Questions to empower your children

Roleplay

Sometimes it helps to play out an idea in fantasy before trying it out for real. This kind of test drive can help a child see that a good idea might work, or see that a rotten idea might not work.

Be sure not to push too hard in shaping the results of the roleplay. Let the drama unfold naturally, and the child will develop a deeper understanding of the problem and possible solutions.

Example: Parent says, โ€œDo you want to act it out? Iโ€™ll be the ex-friend. Oh, look at her. I canโ€™t believe I used to be her friendโ€”ugh.โ€ Parent exaggerates to make it a bit lighter, and makes sure it isnโ€™t hitting too close to home.

Child walks by with chin up, confidently. Parent sticks out her tongue, child laughs, and they wrestle, giggling. Then parent says, โ€œIโ€™ll be the new girl. Hey, you look very nice, would you like to be my friend?โ€

Related: 49 Phrases To Calm An Anxious Child

Oh, the Irony

Yes, I recognize that I am giving you advice not to give advice! Letโ€™s start over. When your child comes to you with a problem, or you discover a problem theyโ€™ve been hiding, what have you tried? How did it work? What might you try next?

Sign up for Lawrence J. Cohenโ€™s newsletter by emailing โ€œsubscribeโ€ to [emailย protected].


Written By Lawrence J. Cohen
Originally Appeared On Psychology Today
how to empower your children

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

When Grandparentsโ€™ Love Goes Sour: 8 Signs Of Toxic Grandparents And How To Survive Them

Signs Of Toxic Grandparents

Have you ever noticed certain behaviors that make you wonder if your grandparentsโ€™ love might be a littleโ€ฆ off? Spotting the signs of toxic grandparents can be tough, especially when society paints them as the ultimate source of unconditional love and support.

But sometimes, grandparents might cross boundaries, show favoritism, or create a stressful environment that doesnโ€™t quite feel right. If youโ€™ve ever felt uneasy about their behavior, youโ€™re not alone.

In this article, weโ€™ll dive into the subtle and not-so-subtle signs of toxic grandparents and give you some strategies regarding how to deal with toxic grandparents, without causing family drama.

First, let us try to understand what are toxic grandparents.

Up Next

Unlocking The Pain Of The Past: 10 Signs Of Repressed Childhood Trauma In Adults

Ever find yourself reacting strongly to situations and not quite sure why? Either you hear echoes of your past, or itโ€™s probably because you listen to your inner child. In this article, weโ€™re delving into the signs of repressed childhood trauma in adults โ€“ those subtle whispers from your younger self that can shape your present.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Up Next

The Hidden Toll of Childhood Emotional Incest: Identifying Signs and Effects

Emotional incest confuses parent-child dynamics, creating emotional dependency. Letโ€™s look at the signs and effects of this incomprehensible relationship to gain a better understanding.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Emotional incest has been compared to actual incest because it similarly creates long-lasting effects on psychosocial developme

Up Next

How To Create A Toddler-Friendly Home: 10 Helpful Tips For New Parents!

Bringing a toddler to your house can be both exciting and challenging. As soon as they begin taking notice of their surroundings, the environment in which they dwell must be secure, comfortable, and conducive to growth.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

It is important to learn how to create a toddler-friendly home because this will provide them with holistic development o

Up Next

How to Become Pregnant with PCOS: 6 Proven Strategies For A Promising Start

Generally, women who have polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) get problems in conceiving a child and starting a family. If you suffer from this condition of PCOS then we recommend you to take up this manual on how to become pregnant with PCOS.ย 

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

According to American Familiesโ€™

Up Next

Why Do I Hate My Father? 8 Effective Ways to Mend Your Relationship

โ€œWhy do I hate my father?โ€ โ€“ if you have ever asked yourself this question, then trust me, you are not alone. Not having a good relationship with your father is one of the most painful things to experience in life.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Father-child relationships can be really complicated in many cases, and itโ€™s normal to feel a mix of emotions. Whethe

Up Next

5 Steps To Raise An Emotionally Intelligent Child

Raising an emotionally intelligent child can seem challenging, but honestly, it doesnโ€™t have to be. This article is going to talk about the importance of nurturing emotional intelligence in children, and how it can help them thrive emotionally, as well as socially.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});