5 Things To Remember If You Think Your Partner Is Having An Affair


5. Consider your own history.

Have you been cheated on before? Have you been suspicious of other partners, too? Sometimes it’s helpful to ask a close friend their perspective on your personality rather than assume you see yourself accurately.

If trust is an issue, acknowledge that in your conversation with your partner. Openly recognizing whatever unhelpful tendencies you bring to the table helps cultivate a more productive dialogue.

Related: 3 Stages Of Rebuilding Trust In Your Relationship After An Affair

Your Biggest Fears Are Realized And You Determine That Your Partner Is Cheating. Now What?

Many people find themselves in this traumatizing situation, so I assure you that despite your misery, you aren’t alone. Learning that your partner has cheated can be extraordinarily destabilizing on a variety of levels. You need support right now, so reach out to trusted friends and perhaps a therapist.

Step one involves focusing on self-care. Things like sleep, exercise, journaling, and eating healthy may not seem important to you now, but they will help you find your sea legs. Be patient and gentle with yourself—it’s typically better to avoid major life decisions or changes when you are startled and upset. Real clarity can take a while. Couples can recover from infidelity—even find themselves stronger as a result—but healing takes time.

Modern life offers more opportunities for infidelity than at any point in recorded history. This shocking reality has led some people to initiate rather drastic changes to the traditional monogamous relationship—whether it be with consensual non-monogamy agreements or simply avoiding long-term committed relationships altogether. It is suggested by some futurists that many people will prefer the emotional safety of intimacy with avatars or robots to human partners in the world of the future.

But for now, most of us still prefer the delights, and the challenges, of long-term monogamy. Communicating about your relationship fears is probably your best bet in maintaining the health of your romance.

Written By Marianne Brandon 
Originally Appeared On Psychology Today 
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5 Things To Remember If You Think Your Partner Is Having An Affair
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Marianne Brandon Ph.D.

Dr. Marianne Brandon is a clinical psychologist, diplomate in sex therapy, futurist, author, and lecturer with over 20 years of experience working with individuals and couples struggling to create more passionate intimate relationships. She is the author of Monogamy: The Untold Story, Unlocking the Sexy in Surrender: Using the Neuroscience of Power to Recharge Your Sex Life; co-author of Reclaiming Desire: 4 Keys for Finding Your Lost Libido, and numerous professional articles. Brandon contributes regularly to professional publications, and lectures to sex therapists, physicians, psychologists, and the public. Her more recent professional writing includes articles and chapters on female sexuality, female low libido, male and female sexual dysfunction, aging and sex, and the challenges of monogamy.View Author posts