For growth to occur, certain conditions must be met in addition to the will to change.
The first of these involves giving honest critical thought to your actions and behaviors. The second is the identification and ownership of the undesirable behaviors you wish to transform. Let’s call this self-reflection.
Pursuing an answer to the question ‘How do I know I’m not the narcissist?’ is an act of self-reflection (which by the way, you are doing right now…).
In living a life where a false-self has taken over, the narcissist functions through denial. Both reality and the true self-have been set aside.
The narc is thus incapable of many aspects required for critical self-reflection and consequently growth. It is antithetical to the narcissistic modus operandi on multiple levels. A belief system that clings to the conviction of being superior over all others simply does not allow for these possibilities.
By definition, individuals with NPD are incapable of considering they are anything less than superior to all others; feel no sense of personal responsibility, and have no empathy for others.
These traits render the need for self-reflection redundant. There is no need after all to review or change, what is already perfect.
4. In conducting your self-reflection, you will come across behaviors and actions that make you uncomfy, things you won’t be fully proud of in your time with the narcissist. Things you may compare to narcissistic traits, for example rage, jealousy, aggressiveness etc.
Gorgeous one. Pause.
Think of what you have been through. Hell. Can anyone go through hell and not react?
No. They can’t.
You can accept you are not perfect right? Your ego does allow for this. So forgive yourself now for your humanity, and how you have navigated surviving hell.
BOOM – you are not the narcissist. No way. No how.
Remembering who you are
Rest easy. Shoosh that voice that keeps asking the question. You know you’re not the narc. Stop giving the narcissist any more of your time or energy by engaging with this ludicrous idea they planted in your mind.
Use your precious time and energy on you instead, and in progressing your recovery.
From now on, every time you hear that voice sneaking back in, promise me you will meet it with remembering who you are.
Start now! Read these out loud:
- ‘I care about others. I am empathic. I am compassionate. These are my gifts.’
- ‘I am open and embrace growth. I evolve without fear knowing my heart is good and kind’.
- ‘I am strong, resourceful and capable of surviving any situation’.
- ‘I trust in who I am, everything I need lies within me.’
Yeah, baby! You are indeed gorgeous.
Written by Maggie McGee
Originally appeared on Narcwise.com