How You Know You Are Not The Narcissist: Your Proof

Know You Are Not Narcissist

2. Blaming you:

Similarly, the narcissist cannot accept any responsibility for any negative behaviors. A preferred ‘go-to’ when attempts are made to hold the narc to account is to blame you for the issues raised.

In this scenario, you will get a dose of projection (i.e.: a diatribe about your narcissistic traits) being the cause of their behavior.

For instance, ‘you made me look elsewhere at other men/women. If you weren’t so abusive/controlling/focused on yourself, I wouldn’t have needed to’.

Read: 5 Phrases the Narcissist Uses to Blame Shift

3. The ‘poor me’ routine, used:

a) With you to reinforce doubts as to who is the abusive party and triggering both your empathy for them and fear of retribution if you do not amp up your supply; and

b) In smear campaigns with others, also used to obtain sympathy for them as the ‘injured party’ and to garner support that you just might be the narcissist.

You get the idea.

It’s becoming a little clearer now isn’t it?

But still you ask, yes but ‘How do I know I’m not the narcissist? I mean 100% know.’

Test of intentionality

So, here’s the thing.

Believe it or not, asking yourself ‘how do I know I’m not the narcissist’ signifies the fog of brainwashing is lifting. Of necessity, this comes hand in hand with the realisation that the person you’re in a relationship (or were in) with is abusive and potentially has NPD.

You are now able to recognise what is what. You are a victim of narcissistic abuse. And you rightly hold the narc responsible for abusing you.

You have been through hell. Pure and simple. It may come slowly, but eventually, you will also most likely feel the need to share your story with those you trust as part of your healing journey.

The power of narcissistic abuse is tenacious. You reflect on these things and come full circle…doubt creeps in once again. ‘Hang on a minute’ you think, ‘aren’t I doing the same things as the narc? Projecting, blaming, and seeking sympathy from loved ones?’…’ who’s to say that they are wrong and I am right, what’s the difference here??’…aaaaaargh, ‘how do I know I’m not the narcissist?’

The big tell gorgeous one, is your intention contrasted with theirs.

Quick recap. The narc’s intent in projecting, blaming, and using the ‘poor me routine’ is to disempower you, and brainwash you into questioning reality, and your mental health.

Now consider where you are coming from.

You believe you have suffered narcissistic abuse, and the responsibility for this is entirely the narc’s, because these are facts.

You share your story because you need to be heard after being silenced for so long. It is also how you receive the validation you desperately need to begin recovering from the annihilation you’ve suffered.

You are speaking your truth, the reality, in order to heal.

BIG difference. HUGE.

Read: How to Play the Narcissist’s Game (And Beat Him At It)

Test of logic

Still not sold? OK here we go.

You know you’re not the narc because…

1. Asking yourself ‘How do I know I’m not the narcissist’ means you are concerned you might be. Ummmm, YESSS!!! I hear you say frustratedly…

My point lies in the word ‘concerned’. Feeling this way necessarily means that for you, the idea of feeling entitled to cause pain by controlling, demeaning, and manipulating others with the end goal of stripping them of all power and sense of worth, is well, abhorrent.

2. Furthermore, your concern indicates understanding of a) how awful the behaviors are, and b) the impact that it has on victims.

For you to comprehend these concepts, indeed, to feel them, you must have empathy. As you know, the true narcissist is devoid of empathy.

3. Your repulsion at the possibility of behaving as a narcissist, of course means that you do not want to be this way. It is therefore fair to consider that the disgust would be a massive motivation to change.

4 thoughts on “How You Know You Are Not The Narcissist: Your Proof”

  1. Avatar of Michael Brown

    All of this describes what I’ve been put through and is still going on. The ABUSE is non-stop, deliberate and belligerent. Can I legally outright name THEM in a public forum? I need leads on who to contact in Colorado Springs, CO, in person, to get the resource information that can be trusted. I have been financially impacted and will likely need a ‘safe’ relocation. Please assist, if possible. I will provide contact information when my gut assures me the information is believable.

  2. Avatar of L Rakic

    Many years ago I took my narcissist to a relationship seminar, and in the middle the speaker was describing many types of behavior … My narcissist nudged me and said that was what I did. I was shocked and hurt. I was confused why my narcissist said that and was compelled to do that. Otherwise tme my narcissist said I was manipulative because I suggested we develop separate interests and friends. Yes, now I see, the narcissist is about the preemptive strike…

  3. Avatar of William Burr

    That’s how it was, and I do worry that I have absorbed these flaws through Brainwashing. Especially my lack of empathy, which I believe I’ve shut off as a defense mechanism.

  4. Avatar of Kelly R.

    I was just trying to comment and then somehow it turned into a small book so I only sent the 1st sentence. (LOL)
    Yes, still ask the same question because some  narcs are so conniving in their evil ways it leaves a person questioning almost everything.

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