Several dates into it I began to wonder if this woman liked me. No kiss, no intimacy, or anything. I began to back off. I was becoming lonelier and desiring a partner and close companionship. This woman had found her way into my social circle. She began communicating with the narcissist.
The covert narcissist invited her out to a group event. Long story short, in a time of weakness, I broke. It was during a transition in my life. I began dating the narcissist. Within two weeks, she was talking about marriage. The married man’s stuff was still at her house. Turns out the mature woman did like me. I acquired an std from the narcissist.
I would like to say thank you so much for all your work that you have done to help people understand what NPD is and give them tools to recover. My story is like a short journey into what happened when I met the love of my life and discovered that she was a narc. She is diagnosed with borderline/bipolar 2 but I realized after some time that there’s more to it than that. She is fifty years old and has been in a DBT treatment recently but has not handled it well.
It made her worse in many ways coz she used it to hide behind instead of reflecting on her own behavior. I suspect that she has fooled her therapists in a smart way and played the victim card. Coz as we all know they are experts in acting. And she has her monkeys plus talking shit about all her exes and they are many.
Still she has contact with all of them just as “friends” by the way. When we used to talk it was all about her and nothing about me. And if I tried to say that I felt bad about the things she did to me, she would reply quickly with a short, “Not my problem. It’s you who are sensitive and pathetic.”
It was and still is hell to realize her total lack of empathy. I became her sex toy and it was really nice. I would be lying if I said it was not. But she used it to control me over time. So off and on for five years, love and pain in a twisted dance. And now I’m trying to recover but the hurt and cuts inside are very deep… I trust no one and look for the signs in everyone I meet.
I cry a lot and feel so empty inside. But I’m on my way to becoming myself again, slowly doing the gray rock. I became like her I realized in the end and that was a painful insight coz I always try to think of others and feel for them but in the end, I was cold to all the people around me. Nothing matters when you’re down and sad.
I drank a lot and got laid off from work. I dated and it was not one of the things I’m proud of then. I hurt a girl who loved me and I’m ashamed of that.
I was thinking a lot of ending my life but my inner voice saved me from that. The hard part is that you have no one who can understand why I stayed for so long and try to help her get better. (Mission impossible) So I’ve lost friends and family members who think I’m stupid for having loved her at all.
In my case, I had worked in a well-known bank for some eight years and in a variety of functions. My latest position had been my favorite and the most rewarding, but we had recently experienced some staff turnover, and the incoming colleagues replacing those of mine who had left displayed incompetence and a lack of professionalism the likes of which I had never seen in my entire professional life.
This meant that, instead of doing the job I loved and focusing on quality and a great customer experience, most of my day was spent on damage limitation, not unlike bailing water out of a sinking ship while your teammates are drilling holes in the hull. Combined with a general managerial disinterest in our team’s activities, it wasn’t long before I started looking for a position elsewhere within the organization. When a former manager of mine mentioned that another department was recruiting and that my background was a good match, I jumped at the opportunity.
Introductory interviews with the manager of that other department were soon set up. These were fairly informal since it would be an internal transfer, so my employee transcript was freely available, and it was taken as given that I knew the ins and outs of the bank, both in terms of systems and procedures, and in terms of people and departments.
Unlike my previous managers, who had tended to be pure products of the organization or specialists in operations or controls, this new manager was a high-profile expert in her field, and the type whom journalists and news networks occasionally approached for informed commentary.
My knowledge of the workings of the bank, combined with my quite respectable language skills and academic achievements, came across well, and rather than finding myself in an interview situation in which I had to sell my skill-set to a prospective employer, it almost felt like this new manager was courting me: singing my praises, waxing lyrical over my CV, expressing amazement that “someone of my caliber” had spent “so much time” in “dead-end jobs”, and promising me significant promotions and pay increases.
Being thoroughly fed up in my then-role and with my then-colleagues, I took the bait, and within a couple of months, was installed in my new function.
The job itself was challenging on several levels. First of all, although I had been nominally hired as a “business manager” (in itself a title so vague as to be almost meaningless), I found that there was no exact precedent in the organization for what was expected of me, my responsibilities falling somewhere between project management and IT support/development, neither of which I was versed in.