Number 5 – You’re Damned If You Do Or Don’t
Number five is kind of similar, but a little bit different, and it’s that really shocking thing where you’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t.
Narcissists are never durably happy with what you are or aren’t doing. The hoops always get higher and harder. To try to appease a narcissist never works. It doesn’t matter what you try to do. The goalposts are forever changing, and you can literally drive yourself insane trying to twist yourself into every shape possible to please this person, which you just can’t do.
They will constantly tell you how you’re not doing it right, how you’re not good enough. So your comeback for this is, “I’ll never be good enough for you, and that’s okay because there’s plenty of people, including myself, who I am good enough for.” Very powerful and helpful.
You need to understand that narcissists can only attack people if they have gaps in their self-esteem and a diminished sense of self.
So what I’ve suggested for you in these five remedies is all about you standing in a healthy sense of self that the narcissist can’t argue with. Yet, of course, it is a lot easier said than done, and I do have some disclaimers with this.
Firstly, you may need to do a lot of inner work to be able to hold this position, as many of us had to do because we were so affected and triggered, we couldn’t just decide to do those statements. We had to clean up a lot of the triggers inside to be able to do it.
Another disclaimer, sometimes no response may be the best response. Just completely ignore the behavior. Don’t feed the bear because it’s not even worth your response.
Maybe just think these empowering thoughts to yourself instead. They’re going to really help you be solid on the inside. Ideally, of course, you want your life to be filling up with non-narcissistic people who can reflect your true self-worth and the development that you’re now committed to by working on your Thriver recovery after narcissistic abuse.
A fully blown, ongoing relationship with a narcissist, even if you’ve got these little tips in your toolkit, could be really exhausting and it’s not in your best interest long-term to be going through that. Whereas separating, getting away and healing is definitely going to be your most optimal option so you don’t have to put up with that rubbish at all.
Hopefully, these skills are only temporarily needed, or they’re going to come in handy with narcissistic people who you could bump into at a family gathering, as an example.
I really hope that this has helped you today. Before I sign off, I’d love to encourage you again to check out Thrive, which is my powerful 10 week healing Bootcamp. It’s coming up very soon! It takes you on a personal interactive healing journey with me to take your power back, lay boundaries, and get out of the clutches of narcissists and narcissistic abuse into a sane, healthy, wholesome life that works and Thrives.
For more details, go to the link that appears on this video or check it out in the show notes.
I hope today has been really helpful. As always, I look forward to your comments and your questions regarding this episode.
Written By Melanie Tonia Evans Originally Appeared On Melanie Tonia Evans