Willingly choose to be alone

choose to be alone

People who complain about being lonely are often the same people who willingly choose to be alone. But Is that True ? #LetTheMindTalkBegin

20 thoughts on “Willingly choose to be alone”

  1. Disagree from the perspective of what loneliness is. When you're lonely its because you want someone else to fill a void that only you can fill. No one else can do that for u but u. ie…ever heard of the saying you can be in a room full of people and still feel alone… 🙂

    1. There's difference between being lonely and being alone physically.
      Being lonely is the situation when u may be in crowd but no one is neither connected to you nor will stand by you in harsh times.
      Being alone by choice refers to solitude. We introverts enjoy it, this charges our batteries. But that doesn't mean we are anti social. We also need company, though selectively. We also need someone to understand us.

    1. It's very long. Feel free to read or not and to respond or not..

      I don't blame you if you do or don't. I just don't want someone to tell me how freakin' long it is.

      I'm not making anyone read it. It's just my thoughts and response in the case that it has meaning to anyone.

      Thank you for asking me. It caused me to think and write out my thoughts, figuring it all out.

      It took me a while to answer, because while internally and emotionally I know, I can't always get it out of me and verbalize it.
      I appreciate your not getting angry at my response and asking my thoughts.

      I can only explain it from my life experiences and it could be long. Those are other reasons that it's hard to explain. It's both emotionally painful and hard to dig up and write it when it's long.

      My answers:

      I grew up in the country, had 6 siblings who weren't interested in the same things or playing due to personality, gender, and age differences and rivalry.

      We had no neighbors or rarely were the neighbors around (They had their vacation house near us).

      We lived far out, so we rarely had rides both into town and out.

      My mother often told us to lie as to why we couldn't get together with people (dentist appt.).

      Never getting together with people made me not know how to be friends with people. So, when I had the chance to go to see them, I lied about not being able to go (dentist?).

      People didn't allow their kids to come see us: We lived too far out. They didn't want their kids to get dirty. They didn't like or trust my dad, etc.

      It was hard to know people who could come out because we lived so far out. The kids at school and at church were seemed cliquish, didn't know us, or didn't know how to approach us. I didn't know or figure out until recently that they grew up together since birth.

      I grew up trying to apply the Golden Rule, the Virtues, and The Ten Commandments throughout my life. But, i was also needing to learn to be a good person otherwise.

      The kids that were friendly gave up on trying to get us to come or in trying to come to us because all I have told you.

      I still don't know how to be a friend and am still shy, even though upon first meeting me, you might think that I'm very social.

      I think that I am friendly and social, but also shy and clueless about how to be a friend. So, I think that I also hide behind my bubbly social appearance.

      But, if someone tries to be my friend and/or suggests calling each other up, I freeze due to the reasons that I've just told you and never call them.

      It happened just the other day, though I did call them back. It was fine at first and then awkward, even though the first time I met them, I explained my situation and tendencies.

      I am what some experts might diagnose as a "Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) and/or possibly someone with Aspergers (Two different conditions).

      I feel overwhelmed with emotions and it causes me to vent a lot about the negative things in my life and to be overwhelmingly excited about the great things. Both of these things can be overwhelming for others and myself.

      People get overwhelmed the most by the negativity, but maybe the positivity, too (loud, bubbly, appears fake, may or may not be fake due to my insecurities).

      It's not because I want to be fake. In fact, I truly just want to be honest and myself. That is a problem too, because people can be bothered by even nicely said honesty or opinions.

      So due to the sensitivity, positive or negativity, and/or honesty, people leave. I leave or don't start anything due to this also. I don't want to be a bother to others.

      Relationships leave me feeling overwhelmed, even a night out to a movie. (I curse at myself afterwards for how overwhelming or not I was or about something I said or feel exhausted by all the stimuli).

      To deal with it, I even put others down in my head. It makes me feel like it's ok to "dump" them because they weren't great anyway (even if they were).

      By putting up a "wall", it makes the separation not so painful, as long as I can keep the wall up.

      But, sometimes the wall comes down or things seep through and I feel really bad for how I treat others. By dumping them and/or ignoring them and setting up a wall, I am guessing that it's possible that it is hurtful to them.

      But, my self esteem has always been low, so I can't imagine that they'd be even touched by my actions. However, when no one seems to like me, I can't imagine why they can't or don't like me (even though I can to some degree, I think that I must not be that bad).

      When I've tried to have relationships with people, it hasn't seemed worth it:

      When I was young with my siblings, they didn't want to play due to the age, gender, and personality differences and rivalry.

      There were all the things I mentioned about my childhood. Add to that a big cultural and religious divide that I didn't understand.

      Also, people pretend to be your friend and then gossip and talk behind your back (I'm not saying that I was or am innocent about anything here, just what things looked and look like for me).

      I thought it was all over as an adult. People said it would be. But, it wasn't. I found that out at places where I worked before I had kids and afterwards.

      When I went to my year of foreign exchange and then later, college, people weren't that friendly. They seemed overwhelmed by their lives and had preconceived notions.

      When I did make friends there, due to being young and/or freshmen and still finding their way, they moved away. Years later, I couldn't find them or they were shockingly and negatively different than I had thought.

      I fell in love with someone in college, married them, and they were totally opposite to who they were when we were dating (From Mr. Perfect to Mr. Nightmare). I could never get away no matter how hard I tried, until 23 years later, I divorced.

      Seven years later, I'm still trying to get this person away from me. I dedicated my whole life to being a dedicated homemaker, mother, and wife, and to making things work only to realize that he was truly Mr. Nightmare, not just a flawed, loving man.

      As you can imagine, the toxic venting from my being sensitive and my situation got really bad. I did everything under the sun to get help.

      You can imagine that I certainly had no friends. I was judgmental and angry at my friends at first and cried "betrayal".

      But, I realized that no human beings can withstand that kind of toxic venting and the toxic attitudes that I couldn't help but develop.

      My older daughter became abusive just like him, except not in pursuing me. She hasn't spoken to me in 3 years and I fear her if she ever has to take care of me when I'm ill or elderly. (The cycle continues).

      My youngest and I get along fine and we are happy with each other.
      But, just as we stopped running from her dad during her whole life, she was grown and it was necessary for her to move on to having her own life.

      I don't like being lonely, but relationships don't seem worth it, or if they are to me, they aren't to the other person.

      It feels safe to have online friends. I can choose to keep them or not. I can choose to be on social media or not.

      I can hide behind the screen and no one wonders why I do weird things like look away or looking down when I'm talking or why I look uncomfortable in the company of someone else.

  2. You Deserve to be happy. You deserve to Live a
    Life you are excited about. Don’t Let the opinions
    of others Make you forget that. You are not in
    This world to Live-up to the expectations of
    others, nor should you feel that others are here
    to Live up to yours. In fact, The more you
    approve of your own Decisions in Life, The Less
    approval you need from everyone else.
    You have to dare to be yourself, and follow you
    own intuition, however frightening or Strange
    that may feel or prove to be. Don’t compare
    yourself to others. Don’t get Discouraged by
    their progress or success. Follow your own path
    and stay true to your own purpose. Success is
    ultimately about spending your Life happily in
    your own way. So Stop expecting them to agree
    with you.
    Welcome to our Group Quotes for Lighted Minds sacred friend, here you are free to shine and be your full self without ever having to 'hide' your light again. Feel free to share anything that makes your heart sing and brings you great joy. You are loved unconditionally. Please feel free to share any Quotes that Lighted our heart and our minds in this group far and wide with all your soul friends and family. We are ALL in this together. ________________________________ https://www.facebook.com/groups/385199001674527/

    1. not when they find the right people; you gotta find those that you can connect with, even if its small like FB posts. other wise your alone-ness becomes solitude, which becomes seclusion,

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