A heartbreak can make you feel so much pain that we feel like you could never heal from it. Know that it’s just a season of your life and you can heal. Love relationships can be a powerful mirror to do healing work.
There’s no miraculous formula to heal your heartbreak but you can change your perspective on what pain is and learn how to turn it in greater love & wisdom, so you can regain your spark.
Don’t run from your pain
When you experience a heartbreak, the pain you feel is not something you have to reject, to numb and escape. Pain is a precious information that something inside of you needs attention and healing. You have to pause in order to focus inwards and find the seed of learning. We so often have been taught to run from pain and seek only joy. Hold on, I’m not telling you to love pain and seek it, I’m telling you that you have to shift your perspective on it. Pain needs to be understood to be healed or it will stay, and it could come back again and again. And if you wonder what do you need to do to start your healing? The answer is that your need to start your journey of understanding, so you can get to the root of the matter - behavior is the symptom, wound is the cause. Let me reframe: what triggers you and what you react to is the symptom, your deeper wound is the cause. Relationships have the stunning power to expose our wounds. However, when the relation has ended, we often tend to focus on blaming our ex-partner for hurting us when what we need the most is to drive this energy back to our self so we can start our healing process and grow. I’m not telling that the behavior of your partner is always acceptable, but that no one can heal your heart, your soul, your life but yourself.
A new emotional foundation
Healing is the possibility to heal your old wounds (from childhood or past experiences), identifying your unworkable patterns, updating your beliefs about yourself and love, and build a new and healthier emotional foundation for yourself first and your next relationship.
I must tell you that this journey is not easy, and this is not something you can do overnight! This journey of healing requires a willingness to understand why you experience repeated heartbreaks and so much pain. Usually, we don’t commit to this journey until we endure an extreme level of suffering. Healing yourself is a hard and uncomfortable experience, but it’s rewarding. It’s an enlightening journey, it’s a reset of your heart so you remember who you really are and learn to love yourself first. As Rumi said: “The wound is the place where the light enters you.”
Life is a permanent change; we permanently experience death (end) and rebirth (new beginning) before dying. The only real thing we can get from life is the growth that comes by experiencing it.
How can you do healing work?
There is not a miracle formula, there is only healing work to do. You have to find the modality that will help you do your healing work. You can start to grow your understanding reading books and articles on this topic. You can ask help and support to a psychologist, a therapist, or/and a coach focused on the issue of healing around relationships. You can do art therapy, hypnotherapy, spiritual healing and so on. Try the modalities you feel called to try and work with the person(s) that will create a safe space for you during your healing process. Don’t hesitate to ask for help & support because it can be overwhelming. Awareness is the first step of healing and it will slowly lead you to acceptance.
Only your acceptance will help you to let go
Sometimes, we hold regrets thinking that we could have avoid doing some mistakes that hurt so deeply. It’s only an illusion, because the only way we can learn is making mistakes. If you don’t do any mistakes, it means you’re not fully alive and not making yourself vulnerable in the face of love. There’s no life without mistakes and there’s no real love without vulnerability. What we can avoid is doing the same mistakes in the future; or we will repeat until we learn completely what the pain is here to teach us. Once you have found the light enclosed in your pain, you’ll find more strength in you to accept what happened because you’ll understand why it happened. With the time, you will understand that what you considered like mistakes were your seeds of learning. You will accept that the experience was necessary and valuable for your soul. Acceptance allows you to let go.
After taking the time of this process, take some time to rest and integrate the lesson, to celebrate yourself for finding the courage to look the truth in the mirror. Above all, forgive yourself because you couldn’t do better from your previous level of awareness, knowledge and understanding. As Maya Angelou said: “when we know better, we do better.” You’re brave, beautiful and you’re not broken. You’re just growing to a more evolved version of you!
With love, Sarah Anouar
