Why You Are Frustrated And Angry All The Time: 5 Psychological Reasons

you are frustrated and angry

3. You ignore your own wants and needs

When we lack assertiveness and our emotional needs are left unfulfilled and unmet, we can feel emotionally starved. This can make us feel disappointed, overwhelmed, ignored, neglected, unwanted, empty, inadequate and lonely. All these negative feelings can then give rise to chronic anger which may burst out at the most inappropriate times. So if you are unable to be assertive about your needs or minimize them, you will eventually become defensive. You may tell yourself that your needs don’t matter or pretend that you don’t have any unfulfilled needs, but this will only make you more irritable. You will become more demanding, pick fights easily and seek attention constantly when you feel emotionally unfulfilled.

According to a recent 2020 study, assertiveness is considered as a “learned behaviour that occupies an uncomfortable space between passive and aggressive communication.” Lacking assertiveness prevents us from speaking up about our rights. You may feel it is wrong to ask for what you want, however, repeatedly ignoring your needs and wants makes you chronically frustrated. When you are unable to say no, stand up for your rights and afraid to ask for what you need, aggression seeps in. Sadly, we are often programmed to put our own needs in the backseat and give preference & priority to those of others. This self-sacrificing, martyrdom mindset, coupled with the forced habit of being nice and accommodating, leads to constant negative emotions and moods. Now being nice and sacrificing for your loved ones is not necessarily wrong, but when you put others ahead of your own needs in the long run, it can significantly damage your emotional health and your ability to be positive.

Related: The Dangers of Playing It Safe and How to Overcome the Fear of Self-Expression

Why You Are Frustrated And Angry All The Time: 5 Psychological Reasons
Why You Are Frustrated And Angry All The Time: 5 Psychological Reasons

4. You use it as a defense mechanism

Do you tend to hide your emotional pain, fear and sadness and express it as anger instead? Most of us, especially men, do not feel comfortable appearing vulnerable and weak before others. Hence, we try to suppress feelings like sadness and grief and divert our attention towards our work, or use substances or casual sex as a distraction. Unrealistic expectations, illogical beliefs and painful memories can cause anger when you decide to hide them, whether consciously or subconsciously. The pain that still remains inside you starts to affect your thoughts and behaviors leading you to use your rage as a defense mechanism. However, the more we try to avoid our actual feelings, the more frustrated we become which eventually turns to uncontrollable rage. Studies show that hostility, anger and aggression are commonly observed in people with depression.

By using this emotion as a coping strategy you direct your frustrations towards non-threatening things or innocent people. As the pain inside you makes you feel uncomfortable, you want to make others feel this unpleasant pain as well. But this can often make you feel ashamed and guilty as you know your emotions are unregulated and misdirected, which can lead to further stress and frustration. Yet we keep using anger as it helps us feel powerful and in charge. It makes us believe that we are NOT broken from inside, even though it is far from the truth.

5. You feel powerless

For most of us, anger can rear its ugly head when we are unable to control our own lives and we have to live according to the wishes of others. When we lack the power to drive and lead our life, it affects our sense of self worth and self identity. It makes us feel helpless, invisible, vulnerable, unacknowledged, worthless and unappreciated. This can have a direct effect on our relationships as we try to counter these negative emotions by being defensive and showing aggression to our parents, partner, children or even coworkers. What’s worse, such feelings of helplessness and hopelessness can lead to symptoms of anxiety and depressive disorders.

Intense feelings of powerlessness or helplessness are often experienced when we are forced to do things we don’t want to, experiencing health issues, trapped in a toxic relationship, grieving the loss of a loved one or other traumatic experiences. However, being angry allows us to boost our ego and feel powerful. It acts as a “positive” force that enables us to feel strong, important and influential. And as it makes us feel “positive”, even if only for a short while, it tends to become a habit in coping with feelings of powerlessness. So if feeling vulnerable and invisible makes you feel angry more than sad, then you are masking your real emotions with aggression. In fact, such feelings of chronic helplessness and anger can be “detrimental to good psychological health.

Related: How To Deal With Anger So As Not To Offend Your Partner

Why You Are Frustrated And Angry All The Time: 5 Psychological Reasons
Why You Are Frustrated And Angry All The Time: 5 Psychological Reasons
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Theo Harrison

Hey there! I am just someone trying to find my way through life. I am a reader, writer, traveler, fighter, philosopher, artist and all around nice guy. I am outdoor person but heavily into technology, science, psychology, spiritualism, Buddhism, martial arts and horror films. I believe in positive action more than positive thinking.View Author posts