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Why Nice Guys Stay Single

Embodying that energy may seem like being a jerk. In the ‘bad boy’ archetype, where that energy isn’t tempered by the loyalty and compassion that’s also integral to the sacred masculine, it does play out as guys being a**holes. Women go for bad boys because at least they know a bad boy can ravish them.

But these two halves of masculinity are compatible. They can meet and make a whole, when a genuine, caring man also owns his lust, his insatiable, raw, unapologetic fire and desire. That is what women need, what we find irresistible, what we daren’t dream of in our wildest darkest hour of yearning … but dream of anyways.

It’s so much more than nice. It’s like a gourmet feast, and nice is just the appetizer, meant to whet our appetites and hint at the glorious, terrifying, powerful man who’s taking the time to be nice to us.

Some women genuinely seek out jerks. Some men do this, too. That’s because they’re playing out childhood trauma, acting out past hurts and confusions to try to make sense of them. It’s not because all women want, need or love jerks.

We don’t.

We want guys who are nice. But we need them to be more than that. We need men who aren’t afraid to stand in their power with us. Who are brave enough to cast off the trappings of nice, be authentic, be imperfect, have needs, and share those needs with us. Men who are brave enough to stop hiding behind nice, and show us who they really are.

If you can do that, you’ve got me. You’ve got the girl. And she’ll never let you go.

By Kathryn Hogan

Why Nice Guys Stay Single

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Written by Kathryn Hogan

Hi! I'm Kathryn. I'm a wellness and relationship coach and author. I share powerful tools and mindful practices to help you live that Big, Rich, Satisfying life your heart knows you’re meant to be living. My book, Your Big Life: Ground Rules to Get Unstuck and Stop Sabotaging Yourself, is coming out December 14th. Check out &lt

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  1. To the author … be nice, does not mean to be incompetent or inoffensive or stupid !! If nice it is to realize that it is not necessary to be a bad boy to conquer anyone or anything !! This text that is here demonstrates the lack of maturity when trying to impose the rule that to have a relationship be in a loving or professional way have to be rude or bad ass! So let me explain one thing to you, since you’re an wellness and relationship coach…lol
    Being, nice is the synonym of inner growth is having the ability to understand both sides of the coin. All of us, no matter how good we are, we are not cowards !! And being nice, it’s not being helpless, or will it be that being aggressive and rude is the way!?!? Ask yourself this question !! Look at yourself in the mirror and then face your weaknesses and frustrations, because that’s what I see in what you wrote, weakness and frustration !! being nice is having the ability to show your true self from the inside out, and do not impose To be accepted by force or by imposition of fear, but rather to be shitting for what others think of me for being as I am. But in your words I understand that to be a typical stereotype macho man in the western style, (well you understand that the world is in transformation and evolution and respect and kindness are part of that evolution) and that is more important! It is the stereotype of a person like you who leads the world into chaos, in which love has no place, only selfishness, that only the egoist is going to have the women he wants and will never be alone, because he is Shit to the feelings of others ?? This person has no self-love or, it’s a thing not a human being !! I think you still have a great walk in life to go through until you can really be what you are trying to title yourself !!

  2. I never thought being nice is bad but things make you realize, people who play with feelings are more happy than who care a lot about them. Probably changes are certain in life so I am willing to transform from nice to a careless guy who love to play 🙂

  3. To the Author,

    You should read into what a “pure soul” is …. your not at the higher conscious mind yet.

    What kind of bs are you writing. Getting horny over saying men need to give themselves endlessly? By being a door mat?

    Get the fuck out of here. I am nice but evil if you cross the line. That is the key to masculinity. Get lost with this new age bs

  4. There’s lot’s of nice guys in this world. It is true that most women want men with balls, but these are not easy to find, especially in the Western world where genderroles are somewhat mixed up, due to for a big part the rise of feminism … many mothers have castrated their little boys. It is up to the men to become real, the wild version of themselves with a process called “the journey of the Hero”. But can women nowadays stand such a man really? Where are the real women? I would like to share an interesting article about this and invite the women to encourage and empower the real man within a man, after all both sexes are responsible for the relationship. http://omooni.com/blog/8-ways-shiva-boyfriend/

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