Why Nice Guys Stay Single

What women—evolved, mature, powerful women—actually need is a man who embodies the divinity of manhood. This may sound mystical, but it’s not. Every man is sacred, can touch the sacred masculine within him, can be a man who stands in compassion, loyalty, and honor, who cares enough to realize that only his true, unfiltered presence is good enough for this world.

A man with a powerful heart, who can hold a woman in his presence, who can weather her emotional storms, who is nourished by being near her and sees her divinity and gives endlessly of himself.

That may seem like nice, and it’s true that they have a lot in common. But it’s different from nice in two critical ways. First, Nice is pretending. Nice is prefabricated, sterile, and not from the heart. If you’re acting from the heart, then congratulations—you’re much more than just nice. Most men who are motivated to be kind and caring are much more than Nice.

The second part has to do with masculine energy. Yang, Mars, active, hot; cultures around the world have used many different words to describe that certain masculine something which is definitely not nice … and definitely something straight women crave. I’m talking about physicality, competition, lust. A demanding, sensual, immediate, winner-takes-all, intense … oh my. I’m getting turned on just writing about it.

Embodying that energy may seem like being a jerk. In the ‘bad boy’ archetype, where that energy isn’t tempered by the loyalty and compassion that’s also integral to the sacred masculine, it does play out as guys being a**holes. Women go for bad boys because at least they know a bad boy can ravish them.

But these two halves of masculinity are compatible. They can meet and make a whole, when a genuine, caring man also owns his lust, his insatiable, raw, unapologetic fire and desire. That is what women need, what we find irresistible, what we daren’t dream of in our wildest darkest hour of yearning … but dream of anyways.

It’s so much more than nice. It’s like a gourmet feast, and nice is just the appetizer, meant to whet our appetites and hint at the glorious, terrifying, powerful man who’s taking the time to be nice to us.

Some women genuinely seek out jerks. Some men do this, too. That’s because they’re playing out childhood trauma, acting out past hurts and confusions to try to make sense of them. It’s not because all women want, need or love jerks.

We don’t.

We want guys who are nice. But we need them to be more than that. We need men who aren’t afraid to stand in their power with us. Who are brave enough to cast off the trappings of nice, be authentic, be imperfect, have needs, and share those needs with us. Men who are brave enough to stop hiding behind nice, and show us who they really are.

If you can do that, you’ve got me. You’ve got the girl. And she’ll never let you go.

By Kathryn Hogan

Why Nice Guys Stay Single

Kathryn Hogan
Hi! I'm Kathryn. I'm a wellness and relationship coach and author. I share powerful tools and mindful practices to help you live that Big, Rich, Satisfying life your heart knows you're meant to be living. My book, Your Big Life: Ground Rules to Get Unstuck and Stop Sabotaging Yourself, is coming out December 14th. Check out.

62 COMMENTS

  1. Why do nice guys remain single?

    Because women themselves, especially in America, are toxic, hateful, selfish, and spoiled rotten with a very bad attitude. American women themselves are even violent killers in their toxic hearts of extreme violence. They may look harmless on the outside, but it’s all a facade; American women in their toxic hearts are worse than Adolf Hitler! The difference is, American women are, thankfully, too scared to carry guns and shoot/murder other guys that get within less than a hundred feet of her. But they run off with violent gang bangers, drug runners, serial killers, and terrorists that are not afraid even to detonate a roadside bomb on a crowded street.

    To put it in a nutshell, in America, nice guys remain single because American/Americanized women themselves are toxic and evil, and they want guys that are toxic, violent, evil, and who are nothing but pandemonium waiting to happen.

  2. To the author … be nice, does not mean to be incompetent or inoffensive or stupid !! If nice it is to realize that it is not necessary to be a bad boy to conquer anyone or anything !! This text that is here demonstrates the lack of maturity when trying to impose the rule that to have a relationship be in a loving or professional way have to be rude or bad ass! So let me explain one thing to you, since you’re an wellness and relationship coach…lol
    Being, nice is the synonym of inner growth is having the ability to understand both sides of the coin. All of us, no matter how good we are, we are not cowards !! And being nice, it’s not being helpless, or will it be that being aggressive and rude is the way!?!? Ask yourself this question !! Look at yourself in the mirror and then face your weaknesses and frustrations, because that’s what I see in what you wrote, weakness and frustration !! being nice is having the ability to show your true self from the inside out, and do not impose To be accepted by force or by imposition of fear, but rather to be shitting for what others think of me for being as I am. But in your words I understand that to be a typical stereotype macho man in the western style, (well you understand that the world is in transformation and evolution and respect and kindness are part of that evolution) and that is more important! It is the stereotype of a person like you who leads the world into chaos, in which love has no place, only selfishness, that only the egoist is going to have the women he wants and will never be alone, because he is Shit to the feelings of others ?? This person has no self-love or, it’s a thing not a human being !! I think you still have a great walk in life to go through until you can really be what you are trying to title yourself !!

  3. To the Author,

    You should read into what a “pure soul” is …. your not at the higher conscious mind yet.

    What kind of bs are you writing. Getting horny over saying men need to give themselves endlessly? By being a door mat?

    Get the fuck out of here. I am nice but evil if you cross the line. That is the key to masculinity. Get lost with this new age bs

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