e) Non-Identity = Non-Accountability
Because a narcissist has a flexible, chameleon like identity, they have no solid foundation of self other than being that of a manipulative, changing being. They have no sense of self from which certain expectations and rules of conduct will flow. Their modus operandi is “whatever works”. Since they hold no code of ethics, their behaviors are categorized to them as either effective or non effective. Effective behaviors will be repeated regardless of the “consequences” to others. Since a narcissist has no boundaries, they don’t see the impact to others, because they don’t see them as “others”.
A narcissist’s construct literally goes like this:
Narcissist pounds your thumb with a hammer.
You scream in pain and yell, “what did you do that for!!??”
A narcissist will be able to say, “Do What??!!” Believing they did NOTHING, because they didn’t feel any pain whatsoever in their thumb.
If you insist on getting the narcissist to see the error of this whacky exchange, you will be told, “Well, you shouldn’t have had your hand on the table.”
The subject will be dropped and you will spend your time feeling bewildered and perplexed by the insanity of all, until it happens again, then you’ll focus on that atrocity and won’t be able to see that this has been the pattern all along.
f) Narcissists Are In Charge Of Reality
Power mongers. Control freaks who can’t recognize boundaries are the only people who can possibly believe that what they think is the reality for EVERYONE. It becomes very apparent that a narcissist believes themselves to be all knowing when they’re insistent that they know what you think, what you are really saying, who you really are or what your motivation really is. Their entitlement and lack of boundaries allows them to play God; they’re the writers of the script, the great puppeteers, the all knowing Wizard of Oz.
Worn down targets find it easier to just roll over and fold. We realize the narcissist’s ability to argue and fight surpasses our own, we aren’t interested in winning just being heard, but there comes a point where it’s just too exhausting to take the narcissist to task on these frequent power plays.
Most realistic people have an awareness of when they’re acting in a manipulative or coercive manner and feel a sense of responsibility to back off, not cross that line or not offer unsolicited advice or opinions. We respect the boundaries of others, because we are aware they exist. Narcissists have NO CONCEPT of these lines and what constitutes obtrusive behavior.
Rapists, child molesters, robbers and murderers have the same inhumane view of people, viewing them as objects to exploit at will and have no concept that it is wrong to violate or cross the demarcation lines of another’s property, being or identity.
We as an enlightened society, KNOW that these types of people are dangerous and frankly would be quite relieved committing these people to institutions so that they can’t harm society in these atrocious ways again. If you can understand this danger, then you can understand why former victims of narcissists view them with the same passionate concern for safety of themselves and others.