Why Love Hurts: 5 Reasons Loving Relationships Can Be Painful

Love Hurts Reasons Loving Relationships Be Painful

Dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and endorphins are generated by exercise and you can, at least temporarily, get those chemicals coursing through your blood again and alleviate that pain.

Related: 10 Signs He Is In Love With You

4. The baggage we bring.

Yes, we have all been in and out of love over the course of our lifetime and, for many of us, the memories of what caused previous heartbreak is real and still present in our mind.

As a result, we bring the baggage from past relationships into our new ones and that can cause pain.

I know that I have had a number of boyfriends who have let me down. They made me promises, big promises, and then didn’t follow through with them, leaving me heartbroken.

As a result, when I am in a new relationship, I am constantly on the lookout for being let down. Sometimes it’s so bad that I set up my new guy to let me down, just to see what he will do.

This baggage, baggage that comes from past relationships, can cause us a lot of pain in our new ones. And that is dangerous because we don’t want that baggage to interfere with the new one’s success.

If you are carrying pain from past relationships, try to let it go and not project it onto your new partner. It’s not his fault that another guy messed up so don’t make him pay for it!

Why love hurts
Why love hurts

5. The letdown.

You know when you are falling in love and you are so excited that you finally met a person who had their shit together and knew how to treat you.

Years and years of searching and FINALLY you hit pay dirt!

Or did you?

When we are falling in love, all we know is that our person is perfect. But then, as time goes on, our person reveals more of who he is and we learn that maybe he isn’t exactly who we thought he was.

I am not saying that your perfect guy turned out to be a narcissistic sociopath (although that does happen) but your perfect guy does turn out to be imperfect.

Perhaps the guy who always used to hold the door for you sometimes doesn’t. Or perhaps he has revealed himself to be a bit of a slob. Perhaps he spends more time at work then he used to or he plays a few more video games then you might like.

When the person we thought was perfect turns out not to be, it can be a huge letdown. It’s not that they aren’t perfect enough to keep around but sometimes the awakening can be a rude one. And a painful one.

So, what do you do when the letdown causes you pain?

You take stock of the good things about your person (like the fact that he isn’t a narcissistic sociopath) and, if necessary, address the things that might not be so perfect.

If you know that the video games are going to be an issue, either talk to him about how you feel about them or choose to accept them as part of your life.

Either way, don’t let the fact that your person isn’t the perfect person you thought he was, get in the way of your happiness.

You probably aren’t quite the person he thought you were either and still he stays.

Related: Why You’re Afraid Of Falling In Love: According to Your Zodiac Sign

Why does love hurt? Why can’t life be easy and full of joy?

On some level, these are existential questions but there also some concrete reasons why.

Fortunately, the pain doesn’t need to mark the end of a relationship. Take stock of the things that are causing you pain and take steps to address them.

Are you feeling uncertain about your future? Do you wonder about expectations? Do you struggle with the chemical crash or the weight of the baggage that you bring? Do you wonder if this imperfect person is the one for you?

Address these things one at a time and the pain that you feel in your relationship can be managed and reduced.

Love can be wonderful and love can be painful. Make sure that the balance of the two is equal and you can live happily ever after!

You can do it!


Written by Mitzi Bockmann
Originally appeared in Let Your Dreams Begin
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Why Love Hurts: 5 Reasons Loving Relationships Can Be Painful
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Why Love Hurts: 5 Reasons Loving Relationships Can Be Painful
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Mitzi Bockmann

I am a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. My writing has been published on The Huffington Post, Prevention, Psych Central, Pop Sugar, MSN and The Good Man Project, among others. I work with all kinds of people to help them go from depressed and overwhelmed to confident and happy in their relationships and in their world.View Author posts