2. Narcissists Kill Your Dreams
Despite the narcissist’s best efforts, something in you secretly (or otherwise) has desires and things you want to make happen in your life. I other words, you have dreams and wishes like everyone else. Let’s say you want to move to a tropical island after retiring. You plan and scrimp and save to make it happen, but the narcissist will not hesitate to laugh at it and to tell you to stop living in a fantasy world. Even though they don’t support your dreams and just do the opposite, something in you believes them – maybe you are just being immature and imagining things that are impossible, you think to yourself. Ultimately, the narcissist’s negativity is often enough to destroy any hope you have for the future, and that hurts like hell.
3. The Relationship Is Not Reciprocal
You find yourself giving everything you have to the narcissist and they just take, take, and take. They never give back. They almost literally can’t give back. And if you ask a narcissist to do you a favor in any way, they will do it only if there is something for them. So, they will do you a favour, but only under certain conditions that benefit them.
They have to get SOMETHING out of it or they most definitely will not do anything for you. And, of course, these conditions are often not ones that you can realistically meet. For instance, if you ask them to watch the child you have to together for an hour so you can go to the salon, then they will only agree to it under one condition. And it’s something much bigger than you’re asking for – so maybe they want to go on a trip with their friends.
For a week. That means you will be the single parent to the child while they are having fun for a week. And they probably won’t even call you while they’re gone, unless they call when they KNOW you’re too busy to deal with them.
Then, they’ll complain that you never talk to them when they call and say you don’t love them enough…this leads to yet another episode of you bending over backwards to prove your love for them, all while managing the house and the kid and the pets alone…meanwhile, they’re sitting on the beach laughing with their friends about how they’ve got you wrapped around their little finger.
4. Your Needs Always Come Last
You are always having to put the narcissist’s needs ahead of yours and whether you intend to do so or not, you have to put your needs on the backburner. In fact, if this narcissist is a family member, you might not even be fully aware that you are ALLOWED to have needs and wants.
The narcissist makes it very clear they are superior to you, so much so that they literally will not allow you to take care of yourself at all in some cases since their needs and wants come first, always. It is emotionally, physically, and otherwise exhausting, but often you feel guilty for even wanting to take a shower or to go to the doctor when you’re not feeling well. I recall feeling guilty for wanting or needing anything in my own toxic relationships. Hence, it hurts to love a narcissist.
5. Narcissists Are Boundary-Busters
The narcissist does not care if you have boundaries or rules. In fact, they actually feel like you’re not allowed to make choices for your self in many cases. They do not take you or your boundaries seriously at all. They will walk all over you without a second thought, actively and intentionally crossing your boundaries, one by one. Since you love them, you tolerate it – but you don’t recognize that over time, your boundaries are pushed so far back that you have almost none.
For example, if you’re married to a narcissist and they suddenly become best friends with someone they are clearly and painfully attracted to (and you can tell this based on the way they act around and about this person), whatever y’all are into, you might have a real (and understandable) problem with this.
But instead of understanding that they are crossing an obvious boundary that any married person would have a problem with, the narcissist will tell you to stop being so jealous and insecure, and they’ll say that if you are going to accuse them of cheating on you, they might as well do it – despite the fact that you never accused them of anything but just questioned this so-called friendship. (Of course, they also have double standards, so you won’t be allowed to have a similar best friend.)
6. Smear Campaigns and Secrets Spilled
If you were to go against the narcissist’s wishes, or if you go no contact with them, they won’t hesitate to go out of their way to ruin your reputation, and often your life. They will share private information about you that can be damaging through their social media platforms and they will even contact your boss and tell them reasons why they should fire you.