It’s been seven months since I’ve seen a full-body reflection of myself. I do use a compact mirror to apply my make-up and fix my hair on the rare occasions it’s needed. But I don’t look myself in the eye while doing these things.
I only leave my house to go to therapy and the yoga studio. But this is extremely difficult since a yoga studio has at least one full wall of mirrors. I get around that mirrored wall by waiting until the room is almost full, then ducking into the back row and positioning myself so I can’t see more than a sliver reflection of my arm or leg.
Will This Effect of Narcissistic Abuse Be Part of My Future?
As I mentioned, I am again in therapy for this debilitating effect. My therapist and I are discussing ways to get back to living fully. Which means, not avoiding my own reflection. At the time of this post, I am not there yet.
My therapist has recently been discussing Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), also known as the Tapping Technique, as a tool we can use to reprogram my mind from the fear I feel of seeing my reflection and looking myself in the eye. We have concluded that the reason behind this fear is the self-hatred I feel for getting involved with the narcissistic man again.
Honestly, at this point, I’m willing to try ANYTHING.
This man’s behavior is so foreign to me that I can’t forgive myself for being involved with someone so cruel. The cruelty has literally changed my DNA in a way I might never completely heal from.
The effects of Narcissistic Abuse have been proven to do actual brain damage.
Closing thoughts on why I haven’t looked at myself in the mirror for months.
First, let me say thank you for reading this personal story. It was difficult to admit in such a public way. But, if it touches just one person by sharing this, it will be worth it.
Secondly, if you or someone you know is a victim of Narcissistic Abuse seek professional help.
I don’t want anyone to end up like me- the way I haven’t looked at myself in the mirror.
So now you know why I haven’t looked at myself in the mirror for months.