2. Don’t reach out to him
He already left, don’t let him take your dignity with him. When these things happen, a woman will often convince herself she needs to reach out because she “needs” closure.
The closure never ever comes from reaching out to him. You know what usually does come? More silence. You send him a well thought out text that you wrote and re wrote a hundred times. You hit all the right notes. You make sure you sound mature, composed, cool and confident. You explain that you just want an explanation and feel he owes you one after the time you spent together. But he doesn’t feel the same it seems … and he ignores you.
Why does he do that? Men have a strong aversion to getting into emotionally heavy conversations. If men had their way the only emotions they would ever experience are calm and contentedness. When a man senses an emotional maelstrom brewing, he won’t go anywhere near it. Does that make it right? No, but just look at me as your tour guide through male brain world and not as a lawyer making a case for why this is acceptable behavior.
Sometimes you need to make your own closure. He won’t give it to you. And let’s say he does reply to your beautifully worded, well thought out text. Do you think he’s actually doing to tell you the real reason he doesn’t want to see you anymore? He won’t. He’s going to say something else. He’s too busy, he’s stressed, he’s not ready for a relationship right now. He’s not going to say the real answer, which is he just doesn’t like you enough to put in the effort for a relationship.
On that note…
3. Not everyone is a match and that’s OK
It feels personal but it’s not. It doesn’t mean you’re fundamentally flawed, it just means you’re not the right person for him. Maybe you disagree, but it takes two people to be in a relationship, and if one of those people doesn’t want it, then you have nothing.
Rather than dwelling on all the things that must be wrong with you to make you such a man-repeller, focus on the fact that he just wasn’t the right guy for you because the right guy for you wants to be with you.
Guys can lose interest for all sorts of reasons. And if a guy loses interest over something small, he was never really all that interested in the first place. A guy who really likes you, really likes you. He is in it and he’s not going anywhere. This also explains why guys ghost.
4. Stay busy
As they say, idle hands are the devil’s plaything. If you stay home and sulk and feel sorry for yourself you’ll allow your mind to steer you to all sorts of dark places and this is highly counterproductive. This will just crush your self-esteem and make you more guarded and jaded which will make it even harder to form a genuine connection when a decent guy comes along.
Try to stay busy and positive. Do things you enjoy that make you feel really good. Surround yourself with people who love you and see the best in you. Make time for your passions and for things that make you feel alive, charged, and revitalized.
Remember. Eventually, you will find that right guy and when you do, all of this will make sense, and you’ll be tempted to write all the ghosts from your past thank you notes for not wasting any more of your time than they did!
What’s your view on why guys ghost? Let us know in comments.
Written by: Sabrina Alexis Originally appeared on: Thought Catalog Republished with permission