Why do I feel sorry for my abuser? Why do I love the one who hurts me?

 March 08, 2018

Why do I feel sorry for my abuser? Why do I love the one who hurts me?

They press those buttons of fear we have, so that we accept the blame.

By doing so, we convince ourselves there is hope to change them. If I do this or that, then things will be okay.

But that is false hope. Only they can change themselves. Nothing we say or do can affect that. Especially when we’re dealing with someone who convinces themselves they’re the victim.

We must learn to let go. Recognise what those feelings are that they are stirring in us so intensely. Take our focus off trying to rescue and fix them. Heal our inner wounded child instead.

Once we do this, time eventually heals. The power they have over us dilutes in its strength. As my friend once said, it’s like a plant. Stop watering it and eventually it withers away. We start to feel less sorry for them, more ‘they’re not my problem anymore!’ Those buttons can no longer be pressed.

If you need professional help, advice or support please see Domestic Violence resources here  .


Originally appeared on Unbeatable.com
Written by Vivian Mc Grath
Printed with permission from author

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Why do I feel sorry for my abuser? Why do I love the one who hurts me?

One comment on “Why do I feel sorry for my abuser? Why do I love the one who hurts me?

  1. It seems quite jarring to read an article about why an abused person (in this article…women) feel for their abuser and see ads from “BE IRRESISTIBLE” peppered all over the page with the message about “The biggest mistake women make that kill’s a man’s attraction”. Really? You couldn’t find a better ad pairing than this?

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