I never noticed that it was always me who created our never-ending discovery life. He was so enthusiastic and participatory when we did things, that I just assumed he would do them on his own were I not to be in the picture.
The kids were a joint decision and they didn’t stop us. We had friends all over and defined ourselves as an easy couch potato family. We never looked back and never regretted any of our decisions.
I’d begun to notice Sean’s reticence to travel so much as the kids got a little older. He wanted to volunteer to coach soccer and hang out with the other dads. He convinced me that we just needed to enter another phase of life and it would be equally joyful. He seemed so confident and sure.
I settled down and immediately became aware that I was sinking into a depression. I began putting all of my energy into creating new ideas and shaking up the community in a good way. No one seemed interested. Even the non-profit I worked for seemed to be sluggish and uninspired.
On the other end of me, Sean was truly happy. He’d settled into the life that he might have always wanted had he not met me. The kids and he embraced their life, their new friends, and the community activities. I still loved him as much as ever but boredom began to erode my attraction to him and we stopped making love. He complained a little, but not heartily.
I knew that I had to go. It was the hardest decision I ever made. We stayed married for five more years and I visited often and kept in constant touch. I took the kids on vacations when I could and visited them often, but they became closer and closer to Sean’s family and the people who had become their ‘forever tribe.’ It had to be that way.”
“You lose yourself trying to hold on to someone who doesn’t care about losing you.” – Tablo
All relationships face hurdles that stretch their resources. All couples must learn kindness, patience, maturity, and sacrifice to keep love alive and growing. Any couple who has managed to stay in love knows to feed and nurture their relationship no matter what threatens to drive it apart.
But, sometimes the most beautiful of promise cannot fulfill itself, even when all indicators point to success. Sometimes separation has to happen. Most often it is not important who was write or wrong, only that what intimate partners once loved about each other is not lost, even when the relationship must end.
Most people cannot end a failed relationship easily, let alone maintain love beyond that loss. But getting as close as possible to that no-fault, no-blame outcome should be something we all strive for. Holding a past beloved relationship in mind as we search for the next, is the surest way to find love again, and to cherish it as we bathe in what we have honored in the past.
Here’s an interesting video that you may find helpful:
“Falling in love is easy, staying in love is a different story.”
Relationships are rarely perfect. Falling out of love can feel devastating for both partners as you lose you someone you held so close to your heart for so long. You lose a part of yourself. You lose a part of your life that used to be so beautiful. It can be one of the most traumatic experiences of your life and it can tear your heart apart. This is why it is crucial to understand why someone has fallen out of love and pay attention to the subtle cues before the end comes. Listen to your gut instinct and talk to your partner. Share your feelings and understand them. Communication is the secret to a happy, lasting relationship.
Falling out of love can be very confusing as you miss the admiration and excitement that used to make you feel alive. When you understand why people fall in love, you can start healing yourself, your partner and your relationship. It’s not going to be easy or fast, but it will be worth the effort.