Which one were you, a reason, a season or a lifetime?

I have often wondered about this. Which one were you? Were you a reason, a season or a lifetime? I used to think you were a lifetime, I used to think you would always be here. I never once questioned your true intentions, it didn’t for a single second occur to me that you weren’t real. I believed you, I believed in everything that you said, that you loved me, really loved me. The way you held me, and wiped my tears. The way you stared at me, from the corner of your eye, as you drove your car, the way your grip tightened around my hand while we were walking for no reason at all.

Can people really fake these feelings? Is it possible to appear so loving when you don’t love the other person? We’ve been taught to look for actions that a persons words and actions should match. But how are we going to defend and protect our hearts against the people that pretend? Against the people that are stringing you along for reasons other than that they love you?

You’re no longer here, so I’m guessing you weren’t a lifetime. It’s been too long, to be considered as a season, therefore you must have been a reason. You were sent to me for a reason, to teach me a lesson. Maybe it was a lesson about trust, and how not to be gullible and believe in everything that is said. Is that what you were? Were you my reason? Were you my lesson? The lesson I obviously didn’t learn, so it was repeated time and time and time again. Like life’s test paper, where you fail a test, so you re-do the test again and again. Only my test paper was the same, but I failed it every single time.

Maybe I was also your reason. Your lesson was how you should be honest and straightforward. Instead of pretending and lying and stringing someone along, that you should be honest and tell people truthfully how you feel about them. In that case, we both failed. You weren’t honest and I couldn’t see the truth.

But now, with hindsight, the truth was there all along. Yes you did not come out and brutally say that you didn’t love me, but it was clear that you didn’t. You didn’t call me, message me or want to see me often enough. Every meeting we recently had was instigated by me, not you. I hope this means that this lesson will no longer be repeated, now that I have learnt it. More importantly, I hope it means that if you were to re-emerge from the woodwork, that I would have the strength to send you away. Only then will I know if I have finally learnt this lesson, only then will I know if finally this lesson will no longer be repeated.

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