What Happens When You See The Narcissist After No Contact?

you see the narcissist

The trauma bonding factor means that you’re going to need to be careful to avoid the narcissist as often as you can so you can avoid the dreaded “relapse.” But what if you happen to run into the narcissist in public after you go no contact? What happens if you see the narcissist?

Because unless you move to a different city, that’s a really serious possibility. And sadly, more common than you’d expect.

How Does The Narcissist Perceive You After No Contact?

You will wonder how they could potentially perceive you – and that all depends on how long it has been since you went no contact, and how much you have healed since that time. Let’s talk about it.

What Happens If You Have Not Yet Healed After Going No Contact And You See The Narcissist?

I’m going to tell you something that I would never tell you in any other case. If you haven’t healed and you happen to see the narcissist after going no contact, I want you to take a page from the narcissist’s book and put on a sort of mask.

Why? Because if the narcissist sees that you have not healed after the damage they caused you in this toxic, unhealthy relationship, they will absolutely RELISH the idea that they’ve somehow won the relationship. They will definitely think of you as weak and they will even attempt to reinforce the idea they probably spent a lot of years putting into your head – that you’re worthless or at least somehow inferior to them.

So, rather than giving them the narcissistic supply they’d inevitably get from seeing you feeling miserable and alone without them, I want you to totally fake it. PRETEND you’re doing great, no matter how you feel in the moment.

Don’t give them the satisfaction of knowing they’ve hurt you. In general, if the narcissist thinks they’ve sort of “won” the relationship, they might pretend to ignore you or just look at you with contempt – acting as if you are clearly beneath them.

So, what can you do to appear healed even when you’re not? Well, consider what telltale signs you might be showing if you’re feeling miserable. Chances are that the narcissist would recognize that you’re hurting by the way you carry yourself, the way you dress, and by your body language if you don’t speak to them.

So, for now, just tidy yourself up and keep yourself looking as fresh as you can when you go out in public. Maybe put some good music in your ears as you get ready and in the car or on the walk to wherever you’re going – that’ll help to at least temporarily boost your spirits.

Related: How To Get Your Ex Back Using The No Contact Rule

What Happens If You Are Healing When The Narcissist Who You Went No Contact With Sees You?

If the narcissist sees you after you go no contact with them and you seem confident, you are dressed well, and you appear to be healthy, then they may begin to idolize you again. This will be especially true if you have moved on with another partner, and even if they are with another partner – or source of supply.

They might indicate the desire to connect with you on some level – and there might be a tiny part of you that secretly hopes that will happen. That’s your trauma bonding coming back to bite you in the proverbial butt.

But always remember that the narcissist’s idea of a relationship is ugly, to put it mildly – and they really don’t want to have a real relationship with you. They will, as always, just hurt you over and over again. You know you’re better off without them.

If the narcissist sees you after years of you going no contact with them and they have seen that you have healed on some level, they could try to trap you again. They may think you would have forgotten about what they did to you and would try to reel you in. They may even tell you they have changed, but their intentions would not be any different.

1 thought on “What Happens When You See The Narcissist After No Contact?”

  1. I loved this article! I went no contact for 10 months & one day while driving, I just happen to see my ex walking down the street.. I freaked out, flipped him off & then thought to myself.. STOP! You need to go talk to him! .. I turned my truck around, said a prayer asking God to help me to stay calm & to say the right things. I sat there sorta reving my diesel truck engine, watching him cower behind his friend, looking as if he was trying to hide, & barely looking my direction. Lol. I knew he knew it was me! I pulled up behind them, and he ran up onto the sidewalk, immediately turned around & said… “Hey, Nice truck.. really nice!” He already knew I had this truck! Then he complimented me on how great I looked.. wow! And then he basically just started bs-ing, rambling on & on about, well… nothing! I stopped him, mid sentence & said.. “I didn’t actually stop to catch up with you. I saw you & figured I’d stop & tell you, that I forgive you for all the crap you did to me. I just thought you should know that.” He was like, “All the crap, I did to you?.. Ha ha ha, it’s more like all the crap you did to me!” And I calmly replied.. ” Well, I didn’t stop to debate with you either. So, maybe you need to get your sh** together & make something out of your life.” He then proceeded to bitch and moan about how his life is all screwed up because of his parents & on & on he went.. I told him, I needed to get going. He asked for a ride. I said No. He asked me for some money. I said No. I said good-bye & then I drove off. I had a smile on my face, & I didn’t even look back, at him through my rear view mirror! Done! It felt great & it was so healing for me!! We were only together for 8 months. He was Physically, Mentally, Emotionally, Verbally, Psychologically & Financially Abusive. I don’t know all of the terminology, but he was a very resourceful Sociopath/Narcissist. (It did take me another 10 months & probably 15+ attempts to finally escape safely!) I went back to my hometown & sought help there. I got Counseling, went to support groups, & then was able to get safe at a very confidential Domestic Violence Shelter. I did a lot of inner work & was educated on the cycle of abuse. I’ve healed a lot of trauma & still continue counseling & work on healing daily. I am also a Certified Domestic Violence Advocate now & I’m helping bring awareness to what abuse is. I want to eventually go on the road and share my story. Because, my life was a “Mess” & now I’m turning it into a “Message”… One of love, joy, healing & hope! TLC

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