When You Love Your Partner But Rarely Feel sexually TURNED ON To Him

 April 17, 2018

When You Love Your Partner But Rarely Feel Sexually TURNED ON To Him (1)

“But what do I do if he is hurt and angry?”

“How do you feel about being with him when he is hurt and angry?”

“I don’t like it.”

“Then say that. Say ‘I don’t like being with you when you are hurt and angry. Let me know when you are open so we can talk about this.’ Then disengage by doing something else – reading a book, going for a walk, calling a friend.”

“Oh, he will be so angry if I don’t stay and talk about his hurt and anger!”

“Erin, notice that you are wanting to control how he feels rather than take responsibility for yourself. This is your end of this codependent system. He is trying to control you into having sex with him and taking responsibility for his feelings, and you are trying to control him by caretaking him. Until you are ready to let go of control over his feelings and take loving care of yourself, nothing will change or heal.”


Erin is working hard with her Inner Bonding practice to learn to let go of trying to control Dylan’s feelings and take responsibility for herself. In our last session, she told me that she is seeing the light at the end of the tunnel – that she felt herself really attracted to Dylan for the first time in a long time.

Written by Margaret Paul, PhD

Originally appeared on Innerbonding.com
For information or to schedule a phone or Skype session: 310-459-1700 • 888-646-6372 (888-6INNERBOND) http://www.innerbonding.com

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When You Love Your Partner But Rarely Feel sexually TURNED ON To Him (1)