I was defeated when he told me he doesn’t love me. My soul has become full of shooting stars and into my mind came the thoughts of helplessness and isolation. I felt like something inside me crushed, and I will never be able to love someone the way I loved him.
What was really unfair was the fact that I gave everything I had, I wanted so much to be loved, just to know how it feels to be safe inside someone’s heart. But he left, and I remained to heal all by myself, wounded and unloved.
I’m an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person). Sometimes, I don’t know if I need to be grateful for this, or consider this as my greatest nightmare. I was born with a tremendous necessity to give and receive love. If I won’t be loved, I’ll perish like a flower without warmth. The worst thing that can happen to an HSP is to fall in love with a narcissist or with someone who doesn’t know what it means to love.
Unfortunately, this has happened to me. After a lot of painful experiences, I needed to go through this experience. Maybe, the toughest thing I’ve learnt about this was that as a strong individual you have to let go of the one who couldn’t love you the way you deserved it. And another lesson I’ve learnt was that it’s really hard to lose the unfulfilled.
It’s really ironic because I am a woman who was designed to be loved, but I am living a nightmare thinking again and again when I’ll be loved the way I deserve it. I am so tired to wait. And the only thing that I want is a devoted man who will love me just the way I am.
When will happen this? When will someone appear in my life who’ll allow me to be weak?
The worst is that I’m living in a circle. I’m falling for someone, they hurt me, they leave me, I heal, and again the same. So, in the end, I remain again with my fears (especially that I will be abandoned), and with the thought that I’ll never be loved.
It’s not even the thought that love hurts because the deal is those who can’t love and not love itself. The fact is not that I’m not healed because I’ve learned to accept me the way I am, knowing that I am enough. My question to myself is when will I be able to trust someone without reserves, without expecting betrayal? When will someone hear my scream of despair? When will someone enter into my life, will understand that I am a disaster but will never leave? When?