The alternative is that you think the cause is an internal reason, namely your behavior, such as
- You are too sensitive
- You have been hurt before
- You are too direct
- You think badly of people too quickly
- You are too trusting
- You were not listening
- You judged too soon
- You are tired, upset, stressed
- You were insensitive to the needs of others
- You were worried
There are others besides.
Accordingly, when your alarm bell rings, you end up attributing the sensation of something feeling wrong to either an external cause to that you are the problem.
This is incorrect.
It is akin to your burglar alarm going off and you think it was a passing cat or that you tripped the sensor yourself. It was the burglar.
Something which offends your worldview offends the logic of your world. Your logic seeks to warn you by creating a feeling or a sensation (the alarm bell) so that you take action.
Unfortunately, two factors interfere in this warning system.
The first is a lack of understanding about the nature of the individual that is generating the behavior which causes the alarm. The red flags signal that it is a narcissist that is engaging in behaviors that are offending your worldview.
The second is the obscuring nature of your emotional thinking which does not want you to pay attention to the alarm´s actual source and instead diverts you to think it is the external source (incorrect) or your fault (also incorrect).
Your emotional thinking does not want you abiding by the logic of your world. It does not want you acting on the alarm by identifying the real cause (the narcissist) and then taking the logical step to avoid further harm (further feelings that something is wrong) by removing yourself from the real cause (the narcissist).
Your emotional thinking does not want to do what is best for you. It does not want you to know the actual source of the alarm nor act on that alarm. It wants you looking in the wrong place,e taking the incorrect course of action so that you remain interacting with the narcissist.
Your emotional thinking does not care about your physical health, your emotional contentment, your mental well-being, or the state of your bank balance. It is not interested in you engaging with a healthy, normal, and well-adjusted individual. That does not matter to your emotional thinking.
For a very unfortunate few of you, there is no inherent alarm system and you need to build one. It is hard work but achievable.
For the vast majority of you, you have the alarm system but it is infected and caused to malfunction by making you look in the wrong place for the problem and not act on the actual problem. Fortunately for you, this faulty alarm system can be corrected although it requires repeated and ongoing maintenance, which is naturally most worthwhile.
There is a valid reason why something doesn’t feel right. It is your early warning system, but it is not perfect and it is fundamental that you realise this and understand that it is here that you are able to perfect its operation.