Maybe, I will meet you in the most unexpected time and in the most unexpected place. Maybe we will meet accidentally in a cafeteria or in the lobby of a hotel or we might collide in the entrance of a hallway.
I imagine myself seeing you for the first time. My eyes, even with my poor sight will recognize that familiar face, that pale blue eyes and white skin and that legendary chubby cheeks. If you speak once, I will surely know that particular voice with the accent I used to hear like it was just yesterday. I would never doubt for a second that it was you but I’m not sure if you would recognize me if you see me too.
If we ever meet, memories will come back to me like flashing lights – how we used to talk every night before I sleep or every afternoon before you go to work. I will remember all the things you said from the sweet words to the photos and hearts you sent to your encouragement and support and those times you told me you like me. It was such a happy memory until I remember how you suddenly stopped sending hearts and how you told me you found someone already. What we had is an almost kind of love story.
I remember the reason why we were never meant to be – how you wanted to be in a relationship and how I wanted to build my career first. Maybe the months we have talked and the emotions we invested were just mistakes we’ve dealt in. Those times we promised we never leave were suffocating. Maybe what we had is merely an online play where in the first one to fall will lose and the one who finds someone first will win and you won. I never really played it well and I knew from the start that I will lose because it was only you I was waiting for.
If I ever see you, I will remember how you chose her over me. How I asked myself why I have to know someone who isn’t for me? Blame it on me for being overly romantic, too emotional and sensitive that I forgot life isn’t a fairy tale. Maybe, it’s wrong for me to desire an old- fashioned kind of love in this modern age. I was wrong to even think that those who promised they will wait will actually wait and waiting isn’t your thing at all. It was my fault that I believe that true love waits and someone who truly loves me will never turn his feelings and attention to someone else. And if someone is really serious, I know for sure, he wouldn’t entertain anyone else. Still, I have no regrets and I stand on what I believe in even if it hurts because I have fallen for you.
And then, I will recall how I allowed my heart to bleed through the words written in this one last letter. I deleted every photo and conversation that we had like it never happened and it was all just a dream. I was forced to forget every little thing about you and I have prepared myself to this but I was still hurt. I was left awake the whole night until it’s morning and I cried the whole day while hiding my face to my father. I told myself I can’t let the pain stay any longer. Why would I make myself suffer over someone who lets me go so easily just because he can’t wait? – That, I think, isn’t love!
And maybe the reason why I was hurt is because I’m willing to love you with all my heart because when I love, I love unconditonally and my loyalty is just set too high – you can’t reach it. For me, the only thing that matters is you. Now that it’s over, I only pray that things will get better.
Someday, when destiny allows us to meet, maybe it’s for the closure and clarity. Maybe, it’s for us to meet as two strangers with some pieces of memory deleted in an online platform. We will be happy to see ourselves with the ones who truly love us. I will see you with her from a distance and I will smile without any bitterness left in me. And then, I will walk hand in hand with the one who made me believe that true love do exist – the one who is truly made for me. Maybe that would answer all the whys of how we met in an instant and ended consequently.