What The Zodiac Signs Don’t Want You To Know

ARIES: Broke your favorite mug and used your nice bath towel to clean it up

TAURUS: Ate all the peanut butter but left the jar in the fridge

GEMINI: Sent that “drunk text” sober and on purpose

CANCER: Went to your party, turned around at the door, and went straight home

LEO: Only asked about your day so you’d ask them about theirs

VIRGO: Made up the data they used to support their argument

LIBRA: RSVPed “yes” but are definitely not coming

SCORPIO: Are actually just a ball of mush behind all the eyeliner and cigarette smoke

SAGITTARIUS: Don’t know what the word they just used means

CAPRICORN: Think emotions are superfluous and will be naturally selected against

AQUARIUS: Spent 10 minutes trying to come up with a quirky response

PISCES: Would kill a human to save a whale