Why Guys Need To Stop Thinking Women Owe Them Anything

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guys needguys need to stop thinking women owe them dating to stop thinking women owe them dating

Dating is hard, especially for men. But it can be a lot easier if only you knew what women are actually looking for rather than assuming what they want. Although it may be very complicated, itโ€™s still not rocket science. All you need to do is dig deep and be sincere & genuine.

I was listening to the radio last week, and Mr. Deejay was talking about how his friend recently got hurt โ€” because a girl he liked rejected him. He went on to say how difficult dating is for guys because girls are mean.

He followed that up with, โ€œGirls if youโ€™re not interested, you shouldnโ€™t even be friends with the guy.โ€

Now that prompted all sorts of thoughts in my head, the loudest of which was: โ€œGuys, youโ€™ve gotta stop being so entitled. She doesnโ€™t owe you anything.โ€

If youโ€™ve ever felt unfairly treated, or confused by women in dating, this one is for you.

Why Guys Need To Stop Thinking Women Owe Them Anything

โ€œBut I Did So Much for Her. She Should at Least Give Me a Chanceโ€ฆโ€

Hollywood, sappy novels and even Disney movies teach us that love is difficult. That the hero doesnโ€™t stand a chance, but still tries against all odds for that one special girl. And eventually wins her heart through some incredibly romantic gesture.

Your well-meaning friends donโ€™t help either when they say things like: โ€œTry harder; be persistent. Girls like persistence.โ€

The problem here is not romance, trying, or persistence. The problem here is the belief that guys need to do something for girls to like them. And it’s even more sinister cousin: that girls are something to be earned. So goes the belief: โ€œIโ€™ll do A, B and C for her, and (despite my fifty flaws and the hundred practical reasons it would never work) Sarah will like me.โ€

But the real world doesnโ€™t work that way. Despite what a hundred dodgy advertisements will tell you โ€” thereโ€™s no guaranteed way to make a girl love you. Itโ€™s not โ€œdo A, then B, and she will love you.โ€

Girls arenโ€™t a computer game, where you can key in the cheat code, win, and do whatever you want.

Theyโ€™re complicated humans with complex feelings. Just like you and me. And we would all do better at relationships if we started treating them that way.

Related: Dear David โ€“ I Just Donโ€™t Understand Women!

โ€œBut Sheโ€™s Sending Me Mixed Signalsโ€

Of course, there are girls who purposely lead guys on, try to get free stuff from them and then act all innocent. If youโ€™ve been manipulated before, Iโ€™m sorry broโ€ฆ I feel you.

But by and large, the population isnโ€™t out to swindle you. Girls donโ€™t wake up every day thinking how to screw you over. Most women are just as confused as you are in the whole dating process.

But theyโ€™re ten times more afraid of being hurt, and a hundred times more afraid of being seen as a slut.

A lot of times, women hurt men not because theyโ€™re bitches. They hurt you because they arenโ€™t sure what to do; they arenโ€™t brave enough to speak the truth and risk losing you, or paradoxically โ€” because they really donโ€™t want to hurt you.

And then you end up hurting yourself.

Related: Sheโ€™s Everything You Could Ever Want, But Youโ€™re Not Whatโ€™s Best For Her

โ€œSo How Will I Know If She Likes Me?โ€

Yup, relationships are tough. Assuming that everyone is sincere, thereโ€™s still a huge communication gap: how do you know if she likes you? Why canโ€™t she just be direct?

Let me take you back to the radio show. More than one person commented that โ€œwomen lose either way.โ€ If they act nice, guys say theyโ€™re leading them on. If they show theyโ€™re not interested, guys say theyโ€™re stuck-up bitches.

In this male-dominated world, do you realize how tough it is to be a woman?

Related: Why Women Leave Men They Love: What Every Man Needs to Know

So itโ€™s really up to you my friend โ€” to be a master of communication. Let me make this clear, so you stop behaving like an infatuated schoolboy:

  1. Her being polite to you doesnโ€™t mean sheโ€™s interested
  2. Her replying your message doesnโ€™t mean sheโ€™s interested
  3. Her being friendly to you doesnโ€™t mean sheโ€™s interested
    Sheโ€™s interested if you hold her hand and she doesnโ€™t take it away. If you make your intentions clear and she doesnโ€™t reject you.

You need to be brave enough to show your intentions. And strong enough to walk away when sheโ€™s not interested. Even if she is, it doesnโ€™t mean that youโ€™re going to get married, have three kids and live happily ever after.

All it means is sheโ€™s giving you a chance.

Donโ€™t screw it up.

Related: The Reason Men And Women Think So Differently. This Guy Nails It

The World Doesnโ€™t Owe You Anything

I know Iโ€™ve bashed you a lot today. But itโ€™s really not your fault. When you were young, the biggest lie they told you was โ€œwork hard, and you will succeed.โ€

Yes, it was a lie, but with the best intentions. Hopefully, it made you realize how important how hard work is.

But it also made you start thinking in terms of cause and effect: If I do A, Iโ€™ll get B. If I work hard, Iโ€™ll be rich. If I bring Sarah to dinner, she will like me. That type of thinking leads to unrealistic expectations.

So let me be the bad guy and tell you that your expectations (not Sarah) will break your heart; that actually, life can be hideously unfair. And that you can work your ass off โ€” but might still be broke and lonely.

I tell you, not because I want you to be disappointed, sad or depressed. I donโ€™t want you to give up either.

But the reality is that life is hard. Dating is hard.

Yet, our parents made it happen; they made you happen. With no dating apps, YouTube tutorials or relationship articles to help them. Which is why Iโ€™m confident weโ€™ll eventually find our way. I think I know how we can start.

Maybe if we look beyond our selfish wants, and try to empathize with women (plus give them some leeway, because you knowโ€ฆ hormones), weโ€™d not only save ourselves a lot of frustration but also become better men. The type that women actually like. Because women like men who are good, not men who do things to look good.

And maybe the first step comes from not always expecting returns, but doing things out of sincerity, generosity, and kindness.

Isnโ€™t that what love really is?

Related: If You Want Her In Your Life, Give Her A Reason To Stay


Written by Aaron Tang
Originally appeared in The Good Men Project

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