For codependents and individuals with low self-esteem, healthy pride is unconscious. People may admire and compliment them, but they don’t feel deserving and trust them.
A goal of recovery is to fall closer to the middle, where we can feel pride without arrogance. Our greater self-esteem enhances our life, creativity, resilience, and mood.
We gain healthy self-assurance and ambition that fuel our self-efficacy and ability to accomplish our goals. With high self-esteem, we expect to succeed and likely will and can also tolerate disappointment and failures. We’re not defensive and can receive feedback. We ask for and pursue what we want.
Our self-regard empowers us to confront abuse or disrespect. Feeling worthy, we won’t hesitate to say no and set boundaries. Yet, we have empathy and consideration for others. Even though we seek to get our wants and needs met, we don’t manipulate, control, seek revenge, envy, or exploit people.
Recovery is a journey of self-love. Yet, people who pursue self-growth are sometimes labeled narcissistic because they focus on themselves as part of their recovery. Usually, they must learn to think more highly of themselves, grow their self-esteem, and set boundaries that reflect self-care.
Others may consider them selfish and overly self-involved. However, this is far different from narcissism. Narcissists do the opposite. They don’t look at themselves, take responsibility, or feel a need to improve. Doing so or seeking help would be an admission of imperfection, that they’re flawed. Instead, they blame others.
Join a 12-Step program and practice 10 Steps to Self-Esteem (or Webinar). To learn more about shame and follow a recovery plan, read Conquering Shame and Codependency: 8 Steps to Freeing the True You. ©Darlene Lancer 2019
Originally appeared on WhatIsCodependency.com
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