What Is Disorganized Attachment And How It Can Ruin Your Relationships

What Is Disorganized Attachment

The therapist may also work with the attachment figure, parents, partners and other family members to help you build positive attachments in your family. They will equip you with necessary tools to remove negative behavior patterns and relate more closely with your loved ones. In case of a child, the therapist may help the caregiver learn healthy ways to soothe their child in distress.Early intervention with parents or foster parents, focusing on maternal sensitivity in particular, is clinically effective in promoting secure attachment in children,” suggests a 2016 study.

Related: How To Change Your Attachment Style

Apart from therapy, certain self-help & coping strategies can also fasten the healing process and help to change your disorganized attachment style. Some of these strategies include –

  • Acknowledge and express your emotional needs
  • Learn and practice self-acceptance & avoid being a perfectionist
  • Boost your self-esteem, avoid negative self-talk & overcome shame
  • Try to be more assertive in your interactions
  • Avoid taking things too personally
  • Learn to be more trusting of others instead of doubting your loved ones
  • Seek medical help for any mental health issues you may have, like stress, anxiety depression etc
  • Identify your insecurities and talk to your therapist about them
  • Shift your mindset and develop an optimistic outlook
  • Practice self-love and self-soothing techniques, like massages, meditation, exercise, yoga etc
  • Be authentic and open about your thoughts, emotions and needs

However, if you are a parent of a child with disorganized attachment, then it is crucial that you change your parenting style. You should also seek therapy for any childhood trauma or abuse that you may have experienced from your parents. We often follow the same unhealthy parenting and attachment styles we have learned from our own parents. Once you address your issues, you will be better able to raise and respond to your children in a positive and healthy way. Positive parenting is a crucial element in preventing fearful-avoidant attachment in children.


Disorganized attachment can affect someone’s life not just in childhood, but also in their adulthood as well. However, with self-awareness, patience, determination and commitment towards personal development, you can learn to overcome its effects and develop trusting and caring relationships. Not only will it lead to better & healthier relationships, it will boost your self-esteem, make you feel more secure and satisfied in your life.

If you are a parent, then focus on practicing positive parenting strategies and building a secure attachment with your child over time. Although parenting can feel overwhelming at times, be mindful about how you respond to your children. Learning to be compassionate, kind and empathetic can empower you to respond to your child’s need appropriately when they are in distress. This is how you can build a more secure attachment with your child and create a happier life for yourself, for your child and for your family.

Related: Love vs. Attachment: 5 Differences Between Emotional Connection and Insecure Attachment

What Is Disorganized Attachment And How It Can Ruin Your Relationships
What Is Disorganized Attachment And How It Can Ruin Your Relationships
What Is Disorganized Attachment And How It Can Ruin Your Relationships
What Is Disorganized Attachment And How It Can Ruin Your Relationships
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Theo Harrison

Hey there! I am just someone trying to find my way through life. I am a reader, writer, traveler, fighter, philosopher, artist and all around nice guy. I am outdoor person but heavily into technology, science, psychology, spiritualism, Buddhism, martial arts and horror films. I believe in positive action more than positive thinking.View Author posts