Yet he feels that she no longer wants to be that woman for him. She is disconnected. She gives herself and her energy to just about anyone but him. And it makes him sad. It makes him fearful of his future. The sadness and fear show up in his life as anger which can lead to occasional abusive behavior.
The Truth Behind His Anger
The anger of this type is a secondary emotion. It is a reaction to the thoughts of what he believes he has lost and of the fear of where he thinks he will wind up.
His confidence wanes and he yields to his worst fears – that maybe he really is an inadequate and insignificant man.
The dream of “happily ever after” for most men includes the idea of a long-term, committed, romantic and sexual relationship with a woman who shares his values and desire to maintain a healthy, trusting, respectful, and intimate relationship. The dream is full of good feelings, happy times, supportive words and loving actions.
For many men, it feels like this dream is dying right in front of them and there is no way to stop it. Everything he does to address it seems to blow up in his face.
Can he be more understanding? Can he be more caring and sensitive? Can he take more responsibility for helping her feel safer and supportive? Yep.
He’s been working hard at being a better man and husband for the last year. He’s not perfect, but he’s trying so hard. His wife has noticed, but she still doesn’t trust him.
He wants to be a man who he can be proud of. He also wants a woman who is proud of him and appreciates him. All he needs to keep going most days is a good head scratch and a loving vote of confidence.
Written by Steve Horsmon
Originally appeared in The Good Men Project
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