But all that I’ve wanted at the end of the day, was someone who’ll understand my fears and will not feed them, will not judge me and I’ll be able to count on him. I’ve received a lot of lessons and miserable minutes of happiness that cost me a lot of sleepless nights and pain. It is just unfair. If you are a person who struggles with the same issue, know that you have all my love. You’re brave for not giving up. And if you’re not the one struggling with it, know that it’s not a thing to make fun of. It’s a childhood scar that aches. Much.
And now, what I’ve learnt while dealing daily with abandonment trauma. I was smiling when my soul was dying, and in a crowd, I was just finding myself on an isolated island and deep within I was screaming but there was no one. I have learnt that everything I have is now. Tomorrow that person maybe won’t be with me anymore, so I have learnt that I can’t take a person for granted. The only heritage that remains from someone who leaves are the memories, and carrying them wherever you go becomes really tough sometimes.
Fearing abandonment is like fearing death. One day it will happen, but you’re living with the anxiety that it will happen whenever. Somehow you realize that the fears are groundless, but you can’t find in yourself enough strength to fight them. And when someone stays you’re just surprised.
In the end, everything a person struggling with abandonment trauma wants, is to be assured once and for all that she is enough, she is loved and will not be abandoned. If you’ll fall in love with a person with abandonment trauma, don’t leave her at her worst, be with her and help her raise up from the ashes. You think she’ll use you as an emotional bandage, but it’s not true. You’ll give her the needed strength to be herself again.