Misunderstandings are usually caused by one person not wanting to rock the boat so they stay silent.
They don’t want to chance messing up this new romance.
Here’s a really important fact for you.
People don’t usually walk away from a relationship because the other person has healthy boundaries.
They walk away because the communication of the boundaries wasn’t done well and now there’s conflict, misunderstandings, and confusion. And most of the time, it’s because those relationship boundaries were set too late.
Communication. Did that word just trigger a whole bunch of stuff for you?
Communication is the trickiest part of dating with men and for guys, that are dating women.
Hands down, it’s the most complicated part.
And it’s not because guys are particularly complicated in how they talk about things, we just communicate it in a much different way than women do which feels very confusing because it seems to be coming from a completely different way of thinking.
I used to feel the same way about women until I wrote a few good books on the topic of communication and how women think versus how men think and so on.
And you know what?
I rarely find myself confused about it now. But this doesn’t mean I haven’t had my moments but for the most part, I get how men and women go wrong when they’re communicating.
That’s why I got into this whole dating advice gig.
Remember that boundaries are not meant to be empty threats or harsh limits that you set that make you feel uncomfortable.
Boundaries are clear, loving, firm words we say to assert our needs.
Your boundaries tell him how you want to be treated in life and in love.
On the first date, be willing to establish any boundaries around conversation topics, like sex, previous relationships or anything that’s too intimate too soon. That’s how you set that particular boundary right off the bat.
5. Getting physical.
The physical part of your relationship is probably the toughest part to set a boundary around but it has to be done as soon as you can.
The first date is not too soon to talk about it, and this is the place you have to. Especially when physical intimacy comes up on the first date, it needs to be addressed right away.
The simple fact is that you might actually feel that this guy is incredible on that first date. Maybe it’s going awesome and you don’t want to lose this chance with him.
You might be really tempted to jump in there with him on the first date because the chemistry is so fantastic.
But the truth is you can’t do it. Here’s why:
1.. If you need to sleep with him to lock him down, you never really had the connection you thought you did.
2. If you sleep with him too soon, you’ll ruin the challenge for him. He will lose interest if he doesn’t have to work for your affection.
3. It breaks the emotional connection with the guy. If he gets to home base too soon, he won’t feel the right level of comfort with you and finally
4. If you sleep with a guy too soon, you won’t seem valuable to him. You are basically “giving him the milk for free” as the old saying goes.
Remember my particularly astute quote about this? That is:
“Easy never really turns into love anywhere else but in the movies.”
I could probably go on for hours with more reasons why you should not sleep with him on the first date.
I realize it’s tough when everything you see in the movies, everything you see and hear in music and everything you read about romance books tell you that you should just throw caution to the wind and be as sexual as you want but it’s all a lie.
Now at the risk of being politically incorrect, let me be really clear about this.
You will find that the man who you make wait a little bit will be more emotionally involved and connected with you that if you jump right into bed with him.
You can take that right from Carlos. I know it’s considered sexist to say it but it’s the truth and most women know it deep down, deep inside them.