12. Lashing out at your children.
A narcissistic grandmother may become more unforgiving and lash out as the child starts to grow up and discover their individuality. Since they are no longer their grandma’s little obedient creatures, she starts to become more distant and punishing. If things don’t go her way she will lash out in order to make her point valid.
How she lashes out on your children will depend on how far the child has deviated from her idea of what and how they should be. Expect angry outbursts or passive-aggressive behavior whenever something doesn’t go according to her will.
A 2019 study suggests that kids who are often subjected to interpersonal conflicts that result in angry outbursts, often grow up to be more aggressive and depressed.
13. Plays the victim to gain sympathy and support.
She sees herself as the boss and everyone has to do as they are told. In this case, her grandchildren are no exception. As long as everyone behaves the way she wants them to, she is happy.
However, if something doesn’t go quite her way she will complain and play the victim to gain sympathy and support. Such behaviors can interfere with the child’s mental health. If children are not allowed to express themselves, they may develop low self-esteem and confidence later in life.
14. She loves causing drama.
One of the most common tactics of narcissists to satisfy their egos is to cause drama. As a grandmother, she loves creating chaos and drama whenever the kids don’t behave the way she wants them to or if things don’t go her way. She acts as if it’s for their benefit and that is why they must do all her chores.
She thinks of her grandkids not as people but as tools for her happiness and to fuel her ego. Such behaviors can negatively impact your child’s mental health because they will grow up to believe that they are only meant to serve other people and please them.
This will also extinguish their identity and teach them to bury their feelings. They will grow up to believe that their self-esteem is based on how well they can please other people.
Things to do if your child has a narcissistic grandmother
In case you were raised by a narcissistic mother you probably weren’t celebrated as a child should be. It took you a long time to realize that she was abusive and everything was always about her.
Your motherly instincts will tell you that you should protect your child from such negativity and abuse before it interferes with your child’s upbringing. It is important to use your own judgments and whether or not you have experienced these as a child.
Some of the things you can do in case your child has a narcissistic grandmother are:
- Setting parental rules and boundaries.
- Recognize the patterns of her behavior.
- Regulated visits.
- Educate your kids about narcissistic behavior.
- Don’t force your kids to be close with her if they are uncomfortable.
- Resorting to family therapy if she wants to try it.
- Hiring a family law attorney.
- Sever all ties as a last resort.
As a mother, it is of utmost importance to protect your children from such chaos and negativity that a narcissistic grandmother might portray. Narcissistic people need chaos to thrive and satisfy their egos.
In such circumstances, it becomes crucial to ensure that your child has a healthy and positive upbringing. As a parent, it becomes your responsibility to ensure that your children have relationships with positive and engaging adults who encourage them to be better in every aspect of their lives.