Yes, chemistry is an amazing thing and it feels good, but it’s not the only thing that is important to have on a first date. It is also important to have a connection.
I remember a date I had with a guy. We met for ice cream at Riverside Park in NYC. I was immediately attracted to him and he to me. We spent a few hours together, talking and walking. At the end of the walk, he pointed out to me that we had agreed on absolutely nothing that we had talked about. I felt more like we were sparring over issues in a good-natured way but the truth was that we didn’t agree on anything.
After he said that, he asked me if I would have sex with him anyway. I politely declined. I knew that just having chemistry wasn’t going to get us any more than a one-night stand, something I wasn’t interested in.
So, pay attention on your first date. Even if the attraction is there, do your personalities, interests and beliefs match? Could you see yourself bringing this person home to your family? To meet your friends?
Connection is a huge reason why healthy relationships start on the first date – without it, you will struggle to be happy right from the beginning.
5. Red flags.
Ah yes. Red flags. Somethings that are almost always there and somethings that we usually ignore, in spite of our instincts.
You know what I mean – the things that you see in someone pretty darn quickly, things that give you pause and you wonder what that says about this person. But usually, you just gloss over that moment, thinking that it’s not a big deal and that even if it is, you can probably change them anyway.
On another first date, with a guy who I connected with in a big way and with whom the chemistry was huge, he told me a few things right away that I should have paid attention to. He had taken his wife to court to not have to pay child support and he was estranged from his brother. Both of those things made me pause but I chose to ignore them because things were going so well.
In the end, however, it was his personality traits that led to those two things that broke us up. I learned that he was very difficult around money, sometimes manically, and that his relationship with his brother had broken down over his mismanagement of a business they shared. I had a hard time trusting him because I felt like he didn’t step up to the plate and take care of his family. And I had to leave him, which was heartbreaking.
So, if you see any red flags on your first date, make note of them. Don’t ignore them. You can proceed with a second date, should you choose, but keep those flags front and center in your mind as you move forward.
It’s funny to think that healthy relationships start on the first date.
We usually consider first dates to just be an easy fun thing, and they should be, but they are also great indicators of what a healthy relationship might look like going forward.
On your next first date, make sure that you are being honest and being yourself. Make sure that you feel like there is an honest attraction and connection and don’t ignore any red flags that might pop up along the way!
First dates are fun but wouldn’t it be nice to have your next first date be your last? It might be if you bring your authentic self to the table and are, in turn, met in kind.
You can do it!
Originally published on letyourdreamsbegin.com