Therefore, we avoid stepping fully into ourselves and our power. We allow anxiety to keep us stuck in the passenger seat of the car, so to speak, rather than being in control of the steering wheel.
That’s why it’s important to…
3. Tell The Truth
This can sometimes be the hardest way to build confidence on this whole list because it’s usually not as straightforward as making a ‘To-Do’ list and taking clear action.
In pursuing your North Star, or bringing things to completion, you could accomplish much of that by quietly working away on your own and chipping away at a defined list of tasks.
But telling the truth requires you to turn head-on into some messy, unpredictable conversations – with other people and yourself – where you’re risking your comfort, self-image, and approval. Sometimes, it requires you to expose mistakes and more difficult parts of the mind, or take hard looks at your behavior, and owning up to how you’re falling short.
If you have a habit of lying or withholding information, that usually means you’re trying to hide something, or get something. They’re both forms of manipulation.
More often than not, you’re just trying to control other people’s perceptions, stay out of trouble, and make sure no one gets mad at you or thinks you’re a weirdo or a loser.
Ultimately: You’re hiding. And hiding undercuts your confidence.
The opposite of hiding is exposing yourself, and telling other people the truth. Many beautiful things start happening when you do that.
First, you finally begin having real relationships. Up until that point, in so many ways, you’re just playing games and showing a mask. Other people can’t completely see you or feel connected to you (whether they know it or not) and vice versa.
Second, you begin to feel more safe, comfortable, and confident in the world, because you’ve stopped hiding so much. You begin disproving the negative internal beliefs we talked about earlier – like how you’re not enough, or not lovable, as you are.
You also free up all the stuck energy you had locked up in putting up a front and playing a role, which means you get to relax and feel like you’re actually loved and seen for who you truly are, and feel less alone.
Another person you need to start telling the truth to is yourself.
It’s one thing to fruitlessly be hard on yourself because of a core wound around worthiness. But it’s another thing altogether to passionately look in the mirror and say, “This is bullshit. You can do better. You’re better than this, and I won’t allow you to tolerate these low standards any longer.”
Get honest with how you really feel about yourself and your life – for better or worse. We respect and trust people who look out for our best interests, and don’t tolerate mediocrity. When you do the same thing for yourself, and actually act on it, you feel stronger and more confident.
4. Keep Moving Forward
Even when you’re connected to purpose and have a healthy community, the struggles and storms of life don’t suddenly disappear. You will still get knocked down and experience setbacks often.
What changes is your resolve to press forward, no matter what?
To move like this through life, and bolster our confidence, we need to focus on developing the warrior archetype in our psyche.
The warrior is all about courage, engagement, charging forward, and never retreating.
We can apply this energy to our forward momentum to all aspects – physically, mentally, and emotionally. In practice, warrior energy makes the time for a workout, or sit down to be productive, or wake up earlier, even when the small part of your mind wants to just be lazy and coast.
It never dwells on toxic and negative emotions or holding grudges and resentment. It leans into tough conversations because honor, truth, integrity, completion, and connection are more important than comfort and self-compromise.
Warrior energy recognizes and pushes back against small-time thinking and behavioral patterns that limit your success and self-expression.