If you have a habit of lying, or withholding information, that usually means you’re trying to hide something, or get something. They’re both forms of manipulation.
More often than not, you’re just trying to control other people’s perceptions, stay out of trouble, and make sure no one gets mad at you, or thinks you’re a weirdo or a loser.
Ultimately: You’re hiding.
And hiding undercuts your confidence.
The opposite of hiding is exposing yourself, and telling other people the truth. Many beautiful things start happening when you do that.
First, you finally begin having real relationships. Up until that point, in so many ways, you’re just playing games and showing a mask. Other people can’t completely see you or feel connected to you (whether they know it or not) and vice versa.
Second, you begin to feel more safe, comfortable, and confident in the world, because you’ve stopped hiding so much. You begin disproving the negative internal beliefs we talked about earlier – like how you’re not enough, or not lovable, as you are.
You also free up all the stuck energy you had locked up in putting up a front and playing a role, which means you get to relax and feel like you’re actually loved and seen for who you truly are, and feel less alone.
Another person you need to start telling the truth to is yourself.
It’s one thing to fruitlessly be hard on yourself because of a core wound around worthiness. But it’s another thing altogether to passionately look in the mirror and say, “This is bullshit. You can do better. You’re better than this, and I won’t allow you to tolerate these low standards any longer.”
Get honest with how you really feel about yourself and your life – for better or worse. We respect and trust people who look out for our best interests, and don’t tolerate mediocrity. When you do the same thing for yourself, and actually act on it, you feel stronger and more confident.
4. Keep moving forward
Even when you’re connected to purpose and have healthy community, the struggles and storms of life don’t suddenly disappear. You will still get knocked down and experience set backs often.
What changes is your resolve to press forward, no matter what.
To move like this through life, and bolster our confidence, we need to focus on developing the warrior archetype in our psyche.
The warrior is all about courage, engagement, charging forward, and never retreating.
We can apply this energy to our forward momentum to all aspects – physically, mentally, and emotionally.
In practice, warrior energy makes the time for a workout, or sit down to be productive, or wake up earlier, even when the small part of your mind wants to just be lazy and coast.
It never dwells on toxic and negative emotions, or holding grudges and resentment.
It leans into tough conversations because honour, truth, integrity, completion, and connection are more important than comfort and self-compromise.
Warrior energy recognizes and pushes back against small-time thinking and behavioural patterns that limit your success and self-expression.
So, if you’re not feeling confident or satisfied with yourself, lacking warrior energy might be another big reason.
You can already tell when you’re living on cruise control, or even when you’re not moving at all. Your greater mind knows whether you’re making an effort to expand and when you’re contracted and stagnant.
The answers are directly reflected in your level of confidence.
Luckily, if you’re feeling low on that scale, it doesn’t take long at all to make a huge shift. You will feel a huge immediate boost once you start kicking your warrior energy into gear.
In simple ways, to build confidence you can start pushing yourself further in exercise and organizational discipline, or patch up unaddressed issues in your relationships (and, alternatively, maybe even cut some off altogether).
The deeper work is to leave behind all the stories, attachments, and mindsets that are keeping you idle.