Once you connect with this North Star, you feel engaged in a personally meaningful hero’s journey. Your purpose switches from acquiring all the “things” and checking the boxes that society taught you to check – like a drone in a hive – to expressing your unique potential to its fullest and serving the world in a way that only you can.
2. Bring important things to completion
Wrapped up in the pursuit of purpose is the virtue of accomplishment.
Next to knowing your direction, a major essence of confidence comes from being effective and skillful and believing in your capacity to get things done. This comes from finishing things – whether that’s small tasks, big projects, or tough conversations with people.
When you do something as simple as clean your room, or purge unneeded clothes, or finish a home/work assignment, it’s a small demonstration of being in control and responsible in your life.
Your brain gives you the same reward chemicals for finishing these tasks as it would for making your first sale in a business, or building a house and that helps you build confidence. The difference is that the more work and effort you put in on the front end, the bigger the mental and emotional payoffs will be.
If you start looking around at your life, you will notice piles of half-baked in-progress messes that are waiting to be tidied. These are usually created due to a passive attitude toward life, being overly distracted, or the lack of mental discipline to see things through all the way.
It’s the way a lazy, entitled prince would operate, rather than a mature and passionate king. And “king energy” is the final frontier of what a man needs to develop in order to feel like his greatest, most confident self.
All that unfinished business in life is a great place to start looking because attacking them begins to build internal momentum and self-respect, which plugs up the leaks that drain your sense of confidence and puts you in a better headspace to explore and experiment with your North Star.
Right now, you can do something as simple as compile a list of each and every thing you have to do. What work is waiting to be completed? What have you been putting off? What errands need to be run? What needs to be fixed?
Those questions apply equally to physical labour as they do to our relationships.
Unfinished conversations with other people in our lives have the same effect as having a messy home and procrastinating on work. We avoid directly addressing unsaid thoughts and feelings with friends, family, and co-workers because we fear the discomfort of facing things head-on, and moving forward. Therefore, we avoid stepping fully into ourselves and our power. We allow anxiety to keep us stuck in the passenger seat of the car, so to speak, rather than being in control of the steering wheel.
That’s why it’s important to…
3. Tell the truth
This can sometimes be the hardest way to build confidence on this whole list because it’s usually not as straight-forward as making a ‘To-Do’ list and taking clear action.
In pursuing your North Star, or bringing things to completion, you could accomplish much of that by quietly working away on your own and chipping away at a defined list of tasks.
But telling the truth requires you to turn head on into some messy, unpredictable conversations – with other people and yourself – where you’re risking your comfort, self-image and approval. Sometimes, it requires you to expose mistakes and more difficult parts of the mind, or take hard looks at your behaviour, and owning up to how you’re falling short.