Women will know us. For millennia, our women have been aching for the birth of real men. Their hearts have been yearning for the arrival of men of emotional integrity and strength who can meet them. Who can see them? Yes, my fellow heroes, women will see us and respond to our courage and our ability to fully and deeply love them.
The pain men feel in relationships with women can be devastating, even overwhelming. Because of the intensity of our feelings, and our need to keep on top of our responsibilities that we have in the world as men, we often suppress our emotions. This leads many women to think that men don’t feel at all. The truth is we do feel, and we do get emotionally hurt, at least as much as do women.
In the following steps, I outline the essence of what it takes to be an emotional warrior, beyond all mental techniques, beyond all goal orientation, and beyond all structures and plans.
5 Simple Steps to Emotional Freedom
1. As best you can, allow the emotional pain to surface.
Just allow it to come and welcome it into your awareness.
2. Notice whereabouts in your body you feel it most.
Then, in your awareness be with the feeling as best you can. Simply keep it company without doing anything to it, or trying to get rid of it, change it, or fix it.
Want to know more about how you can be an emotionally available man? Check this video out below!
3. Allow any thoughts, including memories, judgments, and beliefs, to surface as well.
Simply allow them to come, to stay, or go as they will. Know that you don’t have to do a single thing with them.
4. Then simply feel into the heart, the very center of the pain.
Dive into it with full awareness as if you were diving into a swimming pool or the sea. As you sink into the depths of the ocean of suffering, feel through the pain to the gentle peace that is alive and waiting for you just the other side of the veil. And yes, it does take courage to face that which less noble men run away from.
5. When you have some feeling of peace, simply rest and savor it.
Again, just do this as best as you can. Even if you feel only a tiny bit of peace, savor and give thanks for this tiny bit. It will grow through the law that what you give attention to naturally increases.
Continue this practice whenever pain arises. It’s what I call “diving into the deep story of your emotionally intelligent body”. And it’s at the heart of my book, Break Out of Your Mind.
Each time you dive into the pain in this way the emotional energy charge will lessen. Sometimes only one session is required. Sometimes several will be needed, especially if the pain has been around for a considerable time and has become entrenched. But one day you will notice that what once seemed a huge emotional challenge is now such a small thing, or doesn’t exist at all.
You will awaken one day, free from your emotional pain and from your fear of pain. You will be the most fortunate of men, for you will be free to – to quote Steppenwolf’s “Born to be Wild” – take the world in a loving embrace …
You will have made a truly heroic journey.
Written by Leo Searle Hawkins Originally appeared in The Good Men Project