4. Make amends.
Make it clear to your wife that you want to fix things and if there is something that she needs from you to make things right, you are willing to do it. You may negotiate to make it up to her, but the essential thing is to express your readiness to do something to compensate for your mistakes.
Whatever you do, do not:
- Make excuses for your wrongful actions.
- Minimize your wife’s pain.
- Tell your wife how and when to forgive you.
- Take this opportunity to point out how your wife caused you pain.
- Pretend that your wife’s wounds will go away just because you apologized.
5. Give her space.
Depending on the gravity of the situation and how your wife is handling her hurt feelings, she might need some time before she is willing to discuss the situation with you.
6. Do not be clingy.
After you apologize, you might feel that you want your wife to forgive you immediately, but it is not up to you. If your wife wants a timeout, give it to her. Giving her time to reflect will strengthen your relationship in the long run.
Also, be gracious about her need for space. Respecting her need for space demonstrates respect for her. Do not punish her for it and don’t take it personally.
7. Work together on an action plan.
Demonstrate to your wife that you will do whatever it takes to prevent yourself from making the mistake again. To do this, formulate a plan of action to ensure that the mistake does not repeat itself.
If the situation has helped you figure something out that you think might help your relationship, now is an excellent time to bring it up. Only, be careful not to shift blame to your wife as you map out the future.
Also, include your wife in creating the action plan. By asking for her opinion, she will appreciate the effort you are making to become better
How you behave after you’ve wronged your wife determines how you will be forgiven and how your relationship will move forward.
When you demonstrate to your wife that you have truly learned from your mistakes, you automatically create the condition for forgiveness. You will also inspire forgiveness through humility and sincerity.
Bullying and manipulation will only breed further resentment. If you allow your ego to take over, you will foster the conditions for unforgiveness, and you will drive your relationship to ruin.
Exercise patience as you wait for your wife to fully forgive you and treat her the way you would want her to treat you when she hurts you. It takes effort and hard work to repair the damage you have inflicted on your relationship. But you know what, when you do things right, the results are rewarding and lots of fun.
Written by Randy Skilton Originally appeared in Yourtango