They both remain helpless to each other and they both struggle to repair the situation, ruining their relationship one misunderstood moment at a time.
Happy Couples & Vulnerabilities
Happy couples, on the other hand, understand the intimate details of what breaks their partner and what builds them up. Couples that last understand when their partner is feeling down and can get a sense of why without asking. They also know how to repair the bond and remedy the situation.
Learning new ways of loving that create healthy relationships requires more than just a mindset shift or the latest relationship tools. It requires healing your attachment brain through healthy connection with others. Doing this requires vulnerability, personal growth, and acceptance that your partner and you are dependent on each other.
If we choose to enter into a relationship, we are choosing to accept all of our partner’s history and baggage. Imagine if your partner took responsibility for your past injuries received by the hands of people they’ve never met and were consciously sensitive around these delicate topics.
Want to know what happy couples do to sustain their relationship? Read 6 Communication Strategies Of Happy Couples in Relationships
How would you feel if your partner did that for you?
Amazing and loved, right?
Love is a conscious choice made every damn day that says, “I’m here for you through everything. I’m even here through the shit that has hurt you in the past and still hurts you today.”
Couples who last together accept each other “as is” and take responsibility for each other’s care. Baggage and all. When their partner becomes distressed they can relieve it. When their partner is joyful, they amplify it. When their partner needs space, they understand and have a mutual plan to reconnect. I have found in my practice that this kind of detail, love, and connection feels like a superpower.
And yes sometimes our partners are a real pain in the ass. After all, we are too, sometimes. Your role of being your partner’s lover requires you to care for them, even when they are a pain in the ass.
Love requires courage. The courage to be vulnerable and stay open to our feelings even in conflict, even when we are hurt and angry. Love bids us stand connected with our lover, rather than shutting down emotionally, even when it is difficult to do so.
The only way to love and become experts on each other is to mutually work together to understand one another.
As couples do this, conflicts stop being about who is winning and who is losing. Instead, conflicts become a catalyst for closeness that creates a win-win for both partners.
Becoming an expert on your partner requires you to be an expert on yourself. Before working to recognize your partner’s top three vulnerabilities, I require clients to understand their own vulnerabilities. As part of my Passionate Relationship Toolkit, I added a new workbook called The 3 Vulnerabilities of Love. It’s completely free for subscribers.
Before your partner and you get in another fight, do this exercise. It will transform how you fight for the love of your life.
Every relationship goes through a few trials and tribulations. If you want the fights to be temporary, then you have to keep in mind that these vulnerabilities can ruin your relationship. Focus on having a healthy relationship, and you will see that it will stand the test of time.
If you want to know more about the vulnerabilities that ruin your relationship, then check out this video below:
This article was originally published on KyleBenson.net.