How To Keep Asking For Consent Sexy
Here is the first, basic key: playfulness.
Most often, it’s how something is said that kills the mood, not exactly what you say. It’s the tone and attitude behind the words. So, if you halt the flirty tension dead in its tracks and suddenly shift your energy to serious, creepily direct, fearful, or awkward, that’s when the mood disappears.
But if you hold playful, open energy, it’s easy for both of you to feel safe, upbeat, and totally natural in dealing with anything that comes up. Calm playfulness broadcasts your confidence in yourself and comfort in your own skin, which is highly attractive.
Then, the second key would be the actual language you use.
There are words you can use to ask for consent that come across as desperate, or off-putting, and there are others that can carry the spirit of fun and respect.
If you’re especially shy, using the simple question, “Can I kiss you?” is usually the best choice. If you deliver it with steady eye contact, and the kind of calm, positive-assumption directness that you would ask “Can I give you my coat?” with, then you’ll be good to go.
If that phrasing doesn’t work for you, you can also try saying:
– “Are you okay with me kissing you?”
– “Would you like a kiss before you go?”
– “How would you feel about a kiss?”
– “I would really like to kiss you.”
– “Are you thinking about kissing me right now?”
Their response to any of these will give another very clear answer as to where they stand.
Besides straight-up asking, one last thing you might try is eliciting signals, which means saying things that playfully test the waters and give you more information.
So, when they say something you love, or you find really cute, you could be honest and say:
“Oh my god, that made me want to kiss you so bad…”
Or, “Wow! Okay, it’s official, I definitely want to kiss you. That’s ridiculous…”
The key here is not to finish with dead silence while staring them down. You want to have it be more of a casual throwaway before you keep moving on to something else. They will usually tell you right then and there how they feel about that idea.
Their response might be to laugh and say, “Well, then you should…” or “That’s not a bad idea…”
On the other hand, they might say “Uh, maybe later…” which tells you they need more time. They might also close up, or create more energetic and physical distance, which tells you they’re not up for it.
And if they’re not interested…
If anyone ever tells you they’re not interested, be grateful for their honesty. There’s no reason to have a strong reaction or take it personally. The best response is always to say something like, “Cool, thanks for being honest with me, I had to check,” and then switch topics.
Being a kind human being is always the right move. It not only preserves the possibility of them changing their mind later on if/when they feel more comfortable with you, but it also keeps you comfortable and confident in yourself.
With the framework laid out, let’s get into the various styles of kissing, and how to best go about them.
The Different Types Of Kissing
1. The Peck
A pecking kiss is great for a quick passing moment of intimacy or a sweet farewell. With closed lips, you press them forward to connect with theirs, usually for no more than a second or so. This could also be something you plant on their face to be cute, cheeky, or intentionally old-fashioned. The extent to which you include the dramatic “Mmmuah!” sound effect is all up to you.
At the beginning of a romantic relationship, the peck is something you might occasionally do to be playful. Most of your kisses will tend to fall into the next category…
2. Open Mouth
This is where we start swimming into open water. Once kissing is done with open mouths, things could go in many different directions. There are three different levels to the open mouth kiss, specifically with the amount of tongue used, and how intensely you use it. Each one might be used in a different context.
If you’re not well versed, here are some general pro tips for open mouth kissing:
- Part your lips, but not too much.
Unless you’re using deep tongue, your mouth never needs to open more than halfway. More often, it will be somewhere between 15% and 50% open.