We’ve all heard the statistics around what percentage of communication is body language versus tonality and chosen words (roughly 55%, 38%, and 7%, respectively.)
This is why most of the best cues for telling when someone wants to be kissed are either touch or visual. If you’re unsure of whether or not it was a true signal, keep an eye out for multiple ones, so you can be more confident about reading the situation correctly.
Here are some key indicators that someone is down to kiss:
1. Being quick to laugh.
A common subtle flirtation tactic is becoming more giggly and smiley than usual. It’s an automatic reflex that happens when we’re around someone we’re crushing on. We want to give them playful energy.
2. Playful touching.
Especially paired with laughter and smiling, finding little excuses to create physical touch and nudge playfully is a good sign they’re into you and want more physical connection.
3. Closing distance.
As we warm up and become more comfortable with people, our desire for personal space begins to minimize. We naturally tend to stand closer and enjoy touching. This applies to friends and family but especially goes for romantic interests.
If they’re inching closer toward you, or don’t seem to mind sitting with your legs or arms touching, they’re likely very happy to be kissed. And pay especially close attention to where they put their face. Studies have shown that 18 inches away from the face is our average “intimate zone”. If they’re happy to keep their face within that zone, that’s a very strong sign.
4. Looking at your lips.
We pay attention to the things we want. If someone is thinking about kissing you, you’ll notice their eyes darting to your lips more frequently. They might even start drawing attention to their own lips by subtly biting or licking them.
5. Lingering at the goodbye.
When your time together has come to an end, but you can feel that “hanging around” energy, even when they could have easily taken their out and parted ways, you can be sure they’re looking for a little something more to end the date.
6. Preening and playing with hair (for women.)
This can be a habitual tick many women do. But it has a much different feel to it when done in the presence of a guy she likes. It will have a little more flair to it, almost like she’s getting ready to go out, rather than an unconscious casual touch.
7. And, of course, when in doubt: ASK
Yes, it’s still sexy if you ask for consent.
Particularly for guys these days, I have to include a quick note about going for the initial kiss, because you might be feeling a little more nervous about reading her wrong, and feeling like you’d mess things up if you used your words.
A lot of the time, it’s pretty clear when someone is into you and would be happy to be kissed. However, if you’re feeling unsure, or anxious about misreading them, it’s totally cool to explicitly check and see where they’re really at. When done the right way, it’ll actually make her more into you.
When it comes to asking for consent, people seem to have strongly mixed opinions and feel confused about whether or not it’s the right thing to do.
For example, guys especially will often ask these two questions:
Q: Doesn’t she want me to just know, and take the lead as a man?
A: Kind of, yes. Women generally love it when men take the lead in most situations. And they like to be surprised with romantic gestures without having to tell you exactly what they’re thinking. She loves to see you being confident and directed. But there is absolutely a way to use your words while still holding the strong, sexy energy of confident leadership.
Q: Really? Wouldn’t it be unsexy and totally kill the moment if I just asked her if she wants to kiss, rather than just going for it?
A: It totally depends on how you do it. There are so many ways to check if she’s on the same page and wants to kiss without killing the mood. Mostly, that worry is just coming from an outdated and false narrative in your own head.