Improving the two pillars of emotional intelligence, self-management, and relationship-management can greatly increase the security in your relationship. If you’re interested in exploring this further, I’d recommend checking out Emotional Agility, EQ Applied, and Emotional Intelligence 2.0.
7. Improve Self-Compassion and Self-Care.
“Sometimes the hardest part of the journey is believing you’re worthy of the trip.” – Glenn Beck
Clingy lovers tend to internalize criticism from others and talk to themselves in the same way. I used to beat myself up ruthlessly. But beating yourself up is never a fair fight. That’s why practicing self-compassion will help improve your self-worth, which will improve how you express your emotions and honor your needs. For exercises and lessons on how to increase self-compassion check out Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself.
When I used to be clingy, I did not take care of myself well. I rarely got enough sleep. I overworked myself (100-hour workweeks). I drank alcohol practically every night and so much more. As I started to become more secure in response to therapy, I began eating healthier, making a consistent bedtime for myself, and giving myself healthy amounts of exercise.
Our self-worth is often reflected in how we care for ourselves.
By improving the various ways you care for your body and mind, you’ll start to feel more loving towards yourself.
As I’ve come to hone my insecurity into a superpower, I’ve noticed dramatic differences in my relationships and personal life. My current relationship is secure, emotionally connected, and fulfilling for both my partner and me.
Comparing who I was five years ago in a relationship with Crystal to who I am now with my current partner is like comparing Mars to Earth. It wasn’t easy to get here. In fact, I suffered a lot of pain to grow and heal. I had to confront myself. To challenge myself. To reach out for support. To try things that were unfamiliar and difficult.
The reason I did it was because I realized I had two choices. The choice of suffering in an insecure relationship or the choice of suffering to improve myself and my relationships. I took the latter route and looking back, I’m glad I did.
Here’s a helpful video that you may find interesting:
“Life is very short. Insecurity is a waste of time.” – Diane Von Furstenberg
None of us are perfect. We are all flawed in our own unique ways yet all of us deserve love and respect. You don’t need to be necessarily perfect to enjoy a healthy, happy, lasting relationship. When you give yourself the love and respect you seek from others, you will be able to rise above all insecurities and self-doubt. Once you let go of your insecurities and focus on yourself instead of others, all the negative effects will subside and you will experience better relationship satisfaction.
Do not let your insecurities ruin your self-esteem or your relationship. Do not let the precious little moments in life pass you by because you’re unable to appreciate your own self. You cannot control your partner, how they feel or what they do. Neither can you control your relationship? But you can control yourself, your thoughts and emotions. Give yourself the validation you seek from your partner. If you can’t love yourself how can you expect them to love you. Your partner is not in the relationship to ‘fix’ you. That’s your job. They are here to share their life, happiness, and heartaches with you.
It’s your job to change your life and be your best self so that you can love your partner the way they deserve. So that you can love yourself the way you deserve. It will take a lot of patience and effort, but you will get there. Believe in yourself. You will find love within you.