The Best Ways To Build Healthy Relationship Perceptions
You can avoid these toxic relationship pitfalls, by learning how to transform the way you see relationships and understand them. When we come into our partnerships as better partners, we release the need to control and be controlled, and we also lose our need to be defined by someone else.
Finding the perfect partner requires turning ourselves into that partner first, but that means digging deep.
1. Creating the perfect partner.
When it comes to our relationships, we spend a lot of time imagining the other person, but we rarely spend a great amount of time considering ourselves as partners within those same imaginings. If we want the “perfect” partner for us, we need to spend more time working on ourselves so that we can match the quality of partner we are trying to bring into our lives.
We attract what we put out into the world around us. Wanting the perfect partner is fine, but you have to be that person to bring that person into your life.
Before you go searching for meaning in another person, get to know yourself first. Be real about who you are in a partnership, and be honest about what you ideally want from a relationship. Commit to becoming the kind of partner that attracts faithful, honest, ambitious, and open people. Cultivate behaviors that allow you to fill your social circles with the good, the heartfelt, and the genuine.
Everything in this life is about energy and action. Drawing quality people (and thus quality relationships) into our lives requires having good energy and using that energy to inspire good and positive action. The more you put these good works into the world around you, the more they will grab the notice of other good people who are looking for partners with those qualities.
Good, honest, and hard-working people don’t just fall out of the sky. They’re around other good, honest and hard-working people. So be the partner you want to attract and start living in line with your true purpose.
2. Let go of your emotional baggage.
Our emotional baggage goes a long way in undermining our overall happiness and wellbeing, but it can really cause some serious snags when it comes to our relationships. We have to resolve our emotional baggage or risk finding ourselves in partnerships that are obsessive, short-lived, or otherwise fueled by the insecurities and shortcomings we focus on in ourselves.
Don’t jump into a relationship and expect it to ease the pain you are fleeing from in your past. If you’re still hung up on an ex, a new partner won’t erase that — they’ll just distract you from it for a little while. Likewise, emotional and mental disorders cannot be healed by “love”. They can be managed by us, however, and utilized in ways that make us better partners.
Let go of your emotional baggage before you join your life with someone else’s. Our partnerships require us to closely intertwine ourselves with people who are also dealing with their own adversities in our lives. It is unfair to saddle someone else with the expectation of our own emotional healing.
Don’t make your pain someone else’s burden. Heal yourself, and through that healing find emotional balance and better ways to connect.
3. Make peace with your past.
The past is an important place to start when looking to improve the way we see relationships. Our pasts contain the experiences that form our “baseline”, or the general level of understanding and acceptance we have about life.
If you come with a past filled with turbulent childhood memories or partnerships that hit the rocks more-often-than-not, then chances are you’ve come to see relationships as a battleground — rather than a mutual celebration of love, companionship, and commitment.
If you’re struggling with relationships that keep taking a tumble, or you find yourself struggling to trust your partners (no matter what), it might be a sign that you need to take a look at your past. Start at the beginning, and consider any little things that might have made you view relationships as challenges, rather than benefits.
Things like divorce, abuse, and even neglect from our parents can go a long way in shaping how we see not only ourselves, but our partners too.
Work backward, and find a way to untangle all the knots of heartbreak that tell you it’s not safe to trust, or not safe to love. If you’re someone with mile-high walls, dig down to the foundations of those walls and really breakdown the events that told you (and your subconscious) that relationships were dangerous, rather than safe.
Sometimes, the help of a mental health professional can go a long way in helping us to untangle these knots safely, but meditation and mindful journaling are great places to start too.
4. Understand your life is your responsibility.
Many of us mistakenly fall into relationships believing it will provide some sort of salvation from the things that plague us. The problem with this, however, is that it leads to inevitable let-down. That’s because there is no one who can save us but ourselves, and there is no one who can understand our problems as intimately as we can.