“The danger of feeling that we should avoid our negative experiences is that we respond to them badly when they do arise…Failure is critical to innovation, learning and progress… failure is part of the road to success, so we need to know how to respond well to failure.”
Why toxic positivity is bad for you
If you are still in doubt about the toxic effects of overestimating positivity, then here are some of the prominent reasons why toxic positivity is harmful for you:
1. It makes us feel shame
Shame and guilt are undoubtedly unpleasant feelings and can be significantly paralyzing to our mental and emotional health. Forcing yourself to be positive makes you hold on to your uncomfortable feelings and stay silent about what you’re struggling with internally. None of us want to look weak, so we pretend that our life is going perfectly fine. We act like we are okay even though in reality we are not.
When we deny and hide our emotions, it leads to a crippling sense of shame and guilt. Shame feeds on secrecy. This in turn makes us feel even more weak and affects our mental and emotional well being further.
2. It suppresses our true feelings
Studies have found that denying or hiding our emotions can result in additional stress and anxiety. It can even make it more difficult for us to avoid unpleasant thoughts and distressing emotions. Psychological studies have revealed that suppression drastically reduced expressive behavior in both pleasing and uncomfortable situations. Thus avoiding your real emotions and suppressing thoughts and emotions affects our quality of life and how we express ourselves in different circumstances.
The fact is expressing a wide range of emotions and showing how we feel through words and expressions enables us to better manage our stress response. It helps us remain sane, mentally healthy and release stress and anxiety caused by suppressing emotions.
3. It makes us isolated and unapproachable
As we start denying ourselves of our true emotions, we become unauthentic and artificial with ourselves and others around us. We lose the sense of who we are and our relationships with our inner selves become strained. As we portray a different version of ourselves to the world, people become disconnected with us. We become unrelatable to others as we desperately try to appear perfect socially. The truth is no one is perfect.
When we portray a false image of being positive and perfect, we become unapproachable to others. We unintentionally isolate ourselves from our friends and family and even ourselves. This affects our relationships and connections as people think they only have to be positive and happy around us. In the real world, none of us are happy all the time. By creating a fake persona of toxic positivity, we push our loved ones away from us and attract fake & superficial relationships.
Here’s how to overcome toxic positivity
“Things don’t go wrong and break your heart so you can become bitter and give up. They happen to break you down and build you up so you can be all that you were intended to be.” – Charles Jones
Whether you are spreading or receiving toxic positivity, the first step to get out of the toxicity is awareness.
When you recognize you are participating in fake positive thinking, you can start to overcome it by acknowledging the truth. Accepting your true emotions and reflecting on your real thoughts will enable you to respond consciously, cope with difficult emotions honestly, build mental resilience and lead to a long-term happiness.
When you recognize and accept your reality clearly and understand that it is okay to feel sad, you can finally start experiencing the complete human experience.
Learn to ‘Habitual Acceptance’ of emotions
“Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune.” – William James