19. Enforcing Her Unattained Dreams Onto You
Triggering guilt is perhaps the most effective tool for manipulation, which she applies without any hesitation to smother you with her expectations. She sobs and cries in front of you tell you stories of how much she wanted to get into that college to study so and so which didn’t happen for some reason, and the only reason she’s pulling on in life is to one day see you where she couldn’t get to. She completely ignores your dreams or your aspirations in life.
20. Gains Your Trust To Stab You In The Back
If you have a toxic mother who is a pathological liar, chances are that she has a tendency to sweeten up to you to gain your trust, then use the acquired information to go behind your back and do what she thinks is right and needs to be done. When you find out and confront her, all you get is an expression of shock and grief that you would ever put such terrible blame on her. And the drama and guilt trip continues.
How To Deal With A Toxic Mother
As painful it is to have your mother of all people be emotionally abusive towards you, you have no other option but to deal with it. And always remember – it’s not your fault. You are fine the way you are. There is nothing wrong with you.
It’s not something you say or do that makes her act that way. She just is the way she is, and there is nothing much you can do about that. However, what you can do is work on yourself to have some degree of control over your own thoughts and actions.
You can try things like :
- Practice mindfulness and meditation to be aware of your thoughts and have better control over your reaction upon interaction with your toxic mother. It will also help you be aware of any manipulative tendencies you might have acquired.
- Limit or avoid contact with your toxic mother. No matter how responsible you feel for her and no matter how painful it may be, sometimes cutting toxic people off is the best thing for you and your mental and overall health.
- If stopping or limiting contact is not an option then make sure you have some healthy and strict boundaries maintained with her. Also, work on devising ways to communicate with her to limit the escalation of situations in the wrong direction.
- Never isolate yourself. Never feel like you’re alone. There are so many people out there dealing with the same or similar issues. Your next-door neighbor or that shy boy in school might be dealing with similar issues, you never know. Find such people and connect to them. Share your experiences. Talk about your feelings. Let it out. It won’t make it all go away nor will it reform your toxic mother, but it’ll feel slightly better knowing that there are people who understand what you’re going through.
- If you’re facing difficulties coping with the stress that all this has caused you and maybe even continues to build on it, please don’t hesitate to see a therapist for help. Please don’t wait for things to really start going south and go to your nearest therapist if you feel like it’s getting a bit too much to take.
So, these are all the signs of a toxic mother. If you notice all or most of these signs in your mother, then you need to remember these above-mentioned pointers to deal with effectively.