20 Signs Of A Toxic Mother

Signs Of A Toxic Mother

12. She Never Backs Down

You can never win with her, period. Even when you try your best to do everything she asks for to avoid any kind of confrontation, instead of getting thanks from her, you’ll only encounter more criticism. She always has, does, and will find something wrong no matter how hard you try to set things right.

13. Taking You For Granted

She expects you to understand and anticipate her needs without her having to state anything explicitly and if you don’t cater to that, she acts disappointed. This is also another form of manipulation through guilt-tripping. On the contrary, she takes you for granted and does not appreciate or value when you put some effort into doing something to please her.

Related: 5 Signs You Are The Child Of A Toxic Parent

14. Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse where a person makes you question your sanity, perception of reality, or even your memories. This leads to confusion, anxiety, and an acute loss of confidence in oneself. 

A toxic mother may specifically use this technique to make you doubt your memories. If you confront her about something she said or did, she will try to make you believe that you misheard her or misunderstood the situation, or even remember things wrong. She will even say that you’re for making things up.

15. She has Flying Monkeys

Flying monkeys is a term used in psychology in the context of narcissistic abuse. It basically describes people who willingly or unwillingly end up doing what the manipulator wants them to do, like the winged monkeys of the Wicked Witch of the West. So not everyone in the family will identify your toxic mother for who she really is and will support her against you. In short, they will be her ‘flying monkeys’. 

To take an example, if you’ve had an argument with your mother which was her fault, some family members might come and tell you that your behavior hurt her feelings and you need to apologize to her or do what she asks and set things right. And chances are your toxic mother put them up to this.

Want to know more about having a toxic mother? Check this video out below!

Toxic mother

16. Threats, Threats, and More Threats

Disobey her, and within seconds come the threats from her to stop talking to you, or cut you out of her life, or even her will. Mostly, these are empty threats, just to intimidate you to get you back in line. 

She doesn’t really want to cut you out; she needs you in her life to continue manipulating. So maybe for once, accept her offer and stop talking to her. See if that makes her realize anything.

17. Ruins Holidays and Special Occasions

A toxic mother is narcissistic and hence tends to draw a lot of attention. And no better opportunity to get so much attention like an eventful holiday even full of guests. Chances are that she will create drama, make a fuss and then stand back and watch the chaos unleash. 

She derives satisfaction from it because apart from the attention that she gets, being unhappy herself, it’s difficult for her to enjoy others’ happiness.

18. A Veteran at Passive-Aggressive Warfare

She’s an expert at getting under your skin, but ever so smoothly. Her insults and abuses are in very innocent language and a tone so that she gets away with it, but hits the spot just fine. You won’t be able to hold her liable for emotionally triggering you so strongly, as there is not much evidence to prove your point.

Related: When Parents Offer Gaslighting Instead of Love: Surviving Your Own Mother and Father

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