5. Emotional Blackmail
Your mother might at times deliberately appeal to your feelings to convince you to do what she wants. They’ll make a demand and if you resist or refuse, she’ll pressurize you into giving in by way of flattery or threats designed to engage your emotions or your sense of obligation. And when you agree to her demands, she rewards you with affection and kindness.
Guilt-tripping goes hand-in-hand with emotional blackmail. The only difference is that she can make you feel guilty not just when she wants something done, but also in various other situations, like when you confront her about her mistakes or when you try to set healthy boundaries because that is like a slap on her face.
She will immediately jump to her feet and play the victim card to make you feel guilty for being an adult and trying to have your personal space and choices in life.
7. She is a Pathological Liar
Lying comes easily to her. A toxic mother doesn’t discriminate between big things or small things when it comes to lying. It’s a habit, and she is pretty good at it until you start seeing through her. This stems from a need to be in control of the situation by hook or by crook.
And if you dare confront her about it, you are bombarded with decks after decks of victim cards and guilt trips. You regret ever having opened your mouth.
8. Withholding Affection
If your mother offers conditional love or affection to you based on the fact that you only do what she wants, then it’s a form of manipulation. She may give you the silent treatment, tell you that nobody else cares about you, or even threaten other family members with punishment or isolation if they support you or show you affection.
9. Control freak
It is the dream of every loving parent for their kids to grow into capable and independent adults and have a happy and healthy life. But a manipulative mother prefers you to be dependent on her. When you were a kid, she would have paid very close attention to every little move you made and dictated you to do things a certain way. This is also known as helicopter parenting.
The truth is that she does not really want you to be successful or independent. What she wants, even more, is to have control over you and your life, and she will devise ways to keep you under her thumbs, to the extent of sabotaging you.
10. Never Satisfied
It doesn’t matter what choices you make or how hard you try to achieve something, it’s never good enough for her. She always finds flaws in your actions and choices and is disappointed with you. As a kid, she never celebrated if you won a trophy at school. In college, she didn’t approve of the stream you chose for your education. As an adult, she wasn’t happy about your career path, nor did she approve of your partner that you chose to marry.
But here’s the thing – she is never really going to be happy with anything you do. There’s always going to be something or the other she thinks you could have done better. So stop trying to please her.
11. Putting Her Needs First
She might play the role of a selfless caretaker of the family, but in reality, it’s just about her needs. You might have experienced this as a child. And ironically, she might have experienced this as a child and learned manipulative and deceitful ways to cope with this emotional crisis.
If this is the case with you as well, please try to break the chain and not fall into the same manipulative pattern. It’s not too late. It’s NEVER too late.