I dated someone who was incapable of loving anyone but themselves.
I thought if I just brushed everything aside and loved him with everything in me that it would make him love me back. It took forever to understand but I now understand that it is impossible to make someone love you who only knows how to love themselves. Because of him, I felt alone while being physically next to him. I was dating a man who refused to kiss me and refused to look at me. Because of him, he made me feel unworthy. No matter how many times I had a huge smile on my face and was excited to see him, I was never worth looking at. I was dating someone who intentionally put me down so he could have the power. It was like it was a game to him; the worse he could make me feel, the better it made him feel.
I dated someone who I let manipulate me.
Every time he bailed on me or ignored my calls he somehow made me feel as if I deserved it. He made me feel as if I didn’t deserve to be spoken to. Every time I questioned him cheating, he somehow turned it around to me. It was my fault he hid things because ‘if I trusted him, he wouldn’t have to hide it.’ It was my fault he messaged girls on social media because, ‘if I trusted him, it shouldn’t matter who he talked to’. He manipulated me into believing I was the crazy one.
I was dating someone who was jealous of me.
Because of him, I stopped greeting everyone with a smile who I made eye contact with because he was jealous so many people knew me. Because of him, he made me feel guilty for being friendly. Because of him, ‘I was a whore’ for knowing so many people of the opposite gender. Because of him, I convinced myself I must really be a whore if he says I am a whore. Because of him, I stopped being my bubbly self in order to try to make him love me. Because of him, I thought if I made myself less of a person he would stop making me feel guilty for being me. Because of him, every time someone complimented me on something I didn’t want it to be true. Because of him, I wanted to be less of a person than I am.
I dated someone who had to put others down to build himself up.
He was the guy who was always in a relationship. He was and still is the guy who jumps immediately into a new relationship because he can’t survive without manipulating someone. He is the guy who jumped into a new relationship 4 days after we had broken up. I truly feel sorry for the girl he is with (and the girls after her) because he will continue making girls feel the way he made me feel. He will never be happy with himself and the only way he knows how to try to fill the void within him is by putting others down.