She shared a concept learnt from author and producer Shonda Rhimes. Nikki told me to see what I’m doing as ‘laying track’. It’s giving me the opportunity to build a solid bridge with my kids. She told me I won’t see the real results for the next 10 years but when those kids are teenagers and they come to me with their problems and we have a rock-solid relationship, I will only then see the real benefit.
And so I encourage you to give yourself permission to stop the self-bashing or lack of self-worth for the choice you have made. I know it’s frustrating when you don’t get half of your intended workload done that day and you may need to work longer after they go to bed but the impact you are making is so profound. It is laying track for their future and yours.
5. Build micro wins consistently over time
A micro win is the building block of a goal. Every time you achieve a micro win, you create a trajectory of positive reinforcement to achieve the next one. For example – if you want to run a 5km race, a 15-minute walk is a micro win. Aim for daily progress one micro win at a time with the time available to you. Some days you will achieve more and some days not as much.
Be kind to yourself and acknowledge the little wins along the way. I know for myself, some days I can get out a full blog post and some days, I get stuck on one paragraph. But the following day, I pick up on the previous day’s progress and continue. I’m done with bashing myself that ‘you only got that done – bad person!’ All you can do is replace perfection for progress in the time available to you. And that’s the key to balance work and family.
6. Focus on milestones and not goals
I had a recent epiphany. I watched an interview with Tony Robbins and he said achievement without fulfilment is not success. He said why do so many people achieve huge accolades, goals and feel depressed afterwards? For myself, I have some big goals I want to achieve. I acknowledge the time horizons will be further down the road because of my choice to reduce daily hours. But when I see I’m so far from the goal, I tend to get despondent. I made a choice to reframe my focus from goals to milestones.
Think about babies, we measure their developmental progress against the milestones of crawling, rolling, walking, etc. We don’t judge them because at 10 months, they aren’t walking yet. We take joy in the progress along the way – the smile, giggle, and laugh. So why can’t you be the same with yourself? Instead of judging yourself against this huge goal you haven’t YET achieved, why not acknowledge your daily process and along the way, you will hit those key milestones.
Maybe it’s measured on a number of clients, certifications, finance, whatever you decide is your milestone. Not only will it keep you motivated but it will go a long way to keep your resilience, confidence and self-worth climbing with you. I’m not saying don’t have goals – I am saying be aware of measuring your self-worth only on the huge achievement as opposed to the incremental steps that will get you there.
We know there is no parenting manual or a life one for that matter! All we can do is take each day as it comes, be open to what life presents to us and above all, be kind to ourselves. I wrote this piece to give you the gift of community – you are not alone in the daily struggles and most are our own mental monsters. Know you have made the best decision for your family and you are laying track to give your kids the greatest gift possible – your time, love and attention.
Ready to own your days and not feel like they are owning you?
I’ve created an ultimate guide to Show Up To Yourself: In Life & Business. If you follow this daily, you can build new habits — and actually sustain them; schedule yourself into your calendar, guilt free; and manage your inner critic, free of anxiety and fear.
Written by: Lori Milner
Originally appeared on Beyondthedress.co.za
Republished with permission.