These self-limiting ideas make us guilt-ridden by what happened to us in the past. One tends to guilt trip oneself to think that their painful past experience is bad because they are not up to the mark. You are not perfect. Nobody is perfect.
Accepting your strong points and working on the points you want to improve will help rediscover yourself. How others treat us define them as a person, not us. Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.
Push your limits and constantly strive to be your best possible version.
4) You really have no control over others actions
Most of the time we become so focused on changing our partners or situations but we forget that the only thing we have control over is our own selves and how we act.
Don’t indulge in people-pleasing behavior thinking that if I do everything for someone else, they will never leave me or never get mad at me. That’s just a very futile attempt to stay in control. Rather focus on the interpretations you make of their actions, the way you react to their actions and words, and if their actions are controlling your feelings in any manner or not.
Once you are aware and in control of your own interactive patterns, you can practically asses what went wrong in your painful past and this can help you let go and move on.
5) Be concerned about only your opinion of yourself
If you derive your happiness and worth from what people think of you, you are on very shaky ground because people’s opinions will keep changing. A person who is authentic and has self-integrity is very hard to manipulate. The more you are clear about your own value systems and beliefs and the more you live in your truth, the lesser would be your need to seek validation from outside. Nobody knows you better than you.
Spend time in contemplation. Keep a journal where you can record how you feel at several situations, what you have learned from the incident, how you have handled the situation, and also what your particular behavior in that situation tells about you, your believes, and values. This will help you keep in touch with your inner world.
6) Make room for mistakes
Do you keep on ruminating over the painful past, feeling guilty about your mistakes?
Well, welcome to the human experience. All of us are imperfect and we all make mistakes. The key lies in learning from our mistakes and not beating ourselves up over them. Mistakes make us feel guilty about ourselves. Guilt can be both irrational and inappropriate. Pondering over painful past errors rarely makes us guilt-free. And if you are not guilt-free, you cannot let go of the past.
To lead a happy life, one must get rid of irrational guilt. To combat the guilt-inducing judgment that we make of our actions we can review our erroneous self-judgment, accept and promote new sets of non-judgmental beliefs about ourselves and accept responsibility for our behaviors and actions.
7) Do not ponder over painful past events
When you start to view life from a big-picture perspective, you realize that all the stuff that you worry about so much is actually trivial. Don’t try to figure out all the answers in the present moment. Embrace life as it comes. Keep your keen focus on the present.
This helps us to invest the best of ourselves. Remember uncertainty is a part of our lives and only the right time will eventually reveal it. Obsessively thinking about what is about to happen in the future or what happened in the painful past will only drain you off your present fervor.
Enjoy the journey; keep on moving forward and you will see that when you look back, the dots will eventually connect.