For you to be excited and in love with him all the way down the line, you’ll need to fundamentally align with and respect the values within the greater purpose he’s dedicating himself to.
So, what is his purpose? And how do you feel about it? Is it to serve, build, impact, create art or wealth? Does he care far more about money and status than you do? Or far less? Is he committed to fighting and volunteering for a particular cause? Does he want to offer a particular service to other people and his community? And does he also give a shit about what you care about too?
These are all questions you can be asking during the dating phase. And if you’re already in a relationship, diving into and designing your values together can be a great exercise to realign yourselves.
There is also a chance that a man can be authentically connected to a purpose that has more to do with building a family, traveling, and merely enjoying the simple things in life. And that could very well be exactly what you’re after.
But for most men, they crave to be in service of a higher purpose that transcends themselves – something to do with filling a specific role in the community or creating a specific impact in the world.
Related: Why Women Don’t Want a “Nice Guy”?
And many women crave the strength and direction in a man who is also in service of greater values that are bigger than the relationship.
On the flip-side to all this, if a man is not clearly connected to his purpose, and he’s not working on finding it, that spells trouble down the line. It will likely cause him to feel unfulfilled and act out in various ways because a core part of his nature isn’t being activated and engaged.
Following a purpose tends to have the best results on a man’s emotional and mental wellbeing, particularly in his relationship, which feeds into the mutual happiness, security, and connection for both partners.
And second, when you have found that man whose purpose you deeply love respect, show him how much you do, and then be an ally to him.
A man who feels his woman admires and supports his purpose will want to keep her by his side for life.
He will feel seen and loved for the most important part of his existence. He will also feel completely free and fully self-expressed, which is a man’s biggest goal in life, as well as his greatest fear – which is being with a woman who will limit or stifle his freedom and mission in some way.
Remember… the masculine in every person prioritizes mission/vision/purpose, and the feminine in every person prioritizes love, connection, and relationship… and we all have some percentage of each type of energy. So if you’re looking to be in an intimate relationship with a more masculine associated man, then the above advice can not be overlooked.
(It goes without saying but he should also feel aligned with your life’s vision. Ultimately, you want both of your highest and best visions for your lives to align long-term… otherwise, you’ll always be fighting an uphill battle.)
2. Expand your definition of vulnerability
I have had countless female coaching clients ask me, “How do I get him to be more vulnerable with me?”
And while this desire is a very noble one, there’s something missing from their awareness of what it is exactly that they’re asking for.
When I probe a little deeper, one of two things will happen. Either they won’t be able to break things down any further, or convey a specific understanding of what it is they want, or they have a very narrow definition of what vulnerability means to them and expect their man to be giving them something that he doesn’t have to give.
Because more often than not, when women ask for this, what they’re actually asking is, “Why doesn’t he cry in front of me? Why doesn’t he show vulnerability like I show vulnerability?”
Questions like these are usually the source of the problem. The crux of the issue often doesn’t lie in the man being closed off, but in the woman not being able to recognize his brand of vulnerability as different from hers.